Sleeping Is For Suckers

Stuffing Shit In Where It Fits

2012-03-05T17:50:00.010-08:00

Got to participate in the annual Soup and Bread series over at the Hideout Bar. All proceeds benefited Inspiration Kitchens over in the Wesssssstttt SSSSiiiiiiiddddeeeee! I made my mom's beef short rib soup that took me a little over a day to make. I tried to cheat but remembered how mom's have a way of knowing shit like this so I kept it real and did everything step by step to ensure authenticity.

Luckily there were plenty of other soup cooks reppin for this great winter weekly event. Everything from a vegan mushroom to a red beet soup.

I'm always surprised at how there hasn't been an electric fire every year. Crock pots, liquid, 15 outlets, and drunk cooks could be a very volatile mix.

Worked a beer dinner the next day with New Belgium and the head brewer Eric Salazar. He stayed at the Longman and Eagle hotel just upstairs from the Michelen star restaurant. It's definitely a quaint stay complete with random murderous looking numbers on the doors.

So one of the cooler/odd things about the smaller rooms is the toilet shower combo for the multi tasker in all of us who want to shit/wash/cry all into one sinkhole. This is totally Asian by design.

So in true fashion, the homies and I had to show Eric an epic time to really give a good impression. Unfortunately after doing undisclosed amounts of Malort shots at Bonnies, cocktails at Whistler, beers at Rocking Horse, and closing the night out at Longman. This is the only picture I had from all of this. I could have punched her and out run her in my drunken stupor with one leg missing. Officer Princess Fiona here was waiting for her whole pizza pie on duty. Who the fuck is she going to stop besides the Claudio the tamale guy? There is something wrong.

So after a long day of recovering, Eric had a sour blending presentation for Small Bar Fullerton's 2 year anniversary party. Here he is looking for his keys.

On top of his presentation, Small Bar offered an impressive list of sours on draft along with a completely revamped food menu that made my balls titillated.

The final product was a hybrid of Eric's "love" sour starter and some tart cherry juice. This shit was fucking baller. I'm glad my body got to turn this into urine.

Got to wish the long time homie David a happy birthday over at Lokal. He just turned Mexican.

Stopped by Double Door to check out a couple of funk/soul bands with Merk 1 who swore he'd give me a ride home if I was his date...I'm waaaaayyyyyy too easy.

I'm glad I stuck around and checked out The Soul Orchestra who fucking killed it. Remember what real instruments sounded like? Yeah me either. Great fucking set.

Woke up ready to tackle the big board at Goose Clybourn. Can you guess what the theme was? Yep, white people.

I ended up winning this somehow. I think in my state when this picture was taken, I tried to eat the golden sandwich.

I have no idea how I got up to do this the next morning, but it happened and sleep came soon after.

Woke up the next morning and helped the homie Skillet out since he was feeling under the weather. We cooked in a house that housed an elevator. A fucking elevator in a house. How can you ever relate to anyone that has an elevator in their house? Only an escalator can top this and by then, it'll just look desperate.

On site at another job taking a breather from prepping with Matt and Kojack ready to impart some knowledge on beer and food to group of bachelorettes ready to get they drank and eat on.

We basically lost them within two courses. Kojack here is seriously thinking about taking off his shirt to regain their attention. He soon realized how wolfman like his body hair is and kept it PG.

Running errands the next day ran into this old tag of mine from years ago still riding. I wouldn't have recognized it until I saw a puke stain right under it and remembered the night.

Had some time to burn and decided to check out Publican Quality Meats. Another Paul Kahan goldmine. That dude can't be stopped. It's awesome and scary.

Part specialty shop and delicatessen, this spot is good for soups, sandwiches, ham, steaks, chops, stock,...pretty much anything delicious.

Sleek design, right across the street from Publican and ready to sell you some 80 dollar dry aged steaks.

Fucking christ. Duck rillette, salami, pork loin, proscuitto, I forgot that other pork thing, but it all went happily into my mouth in full salt glory.

I've never drooled so bad looking at encased meat. Hard to be a vegetarian here. I think even the bread touched some kind of animal cock.

The ribolitta soup had hunks of salami, grated parmesan, homemade stock, and my face juice.

The "better than a gyros" sandwich had braised pork belly with their own rendition of a tzatziki sauce. I'll definitely be coming back for this and inserting my penis into this.

It was a long day, so I let my nephew take a nap for me.

Hot Damn Here It Is Yo, Here We Go Again...

2012-02-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

I love seeing things last. This has been up for over two months now and makes me realize what a pussy I've become with graffiti. Well, at least I have a job.

This was a nice little surprise at work. Thank you to the customer who flaked out on this order! Your mistake will turn into my own projectile vomit and awkward social interactions.

Worked a private party for Tom Kehoe as he was gracious enough to throw a birthday party for a friend of his. Now that is a good fucking friend!

Um, my birthday parties usually consist of plastic forks, salt packs, Mexicans, a lot of tears, and a bucket of urine.

With work done, I thought it would be a good idea to head over to Alice's in on West Belmont. What is it about February that made so many parents have unprotected sex nine months prior? So many people's birthdays. I don't get it.

You mix graff writers+young people+ yuppies+karaoke+old polish bartenders+weird part of town+hipsters=Williamsburg, Brooklyn. We are so close.

The next morning wasn't too kind to me as drinking was the only way to deal with hearing horrific renditions of freebird and sir mix a lot songs. My baking skills are pretty shit to put it kindly so I attended the monthly bread guild club at my old culinary school Le Cordon suck my balls.

Despite some of my beefs with the school, there are awesome passionate teachers like Tom Beckman who sets this up out of his personal time for students to practice baking. Today's theme was savory chocolate breads. It took me a little time to shake off the drunken stupor I was in, but I got it together and baked some mounds of elephant dung.

After a much needed nap, I got my shit together and made it out to Oh No Doom's show. The theme was video games!

Lowdive represented by providing the libations for the evening. Good shit all around.

The homie CZR PRZ with a self portrait.

That is a serious ass looking Link.

Making your own video game for an art show is taking nerdiness to a whole new level.

Jeremiah Ketner

This is what really happens after you save the princess. You totally get laid!

The homie, Nathan West.

Brian Stuhr. Fucking memory lane with this one. What kind of fucking psychotropic drugs were the creators of this game on?

Checked out the Charleston in Bucktown where they were selling this beaut for a mere$17! Compared to the average $25 everyone sells it for. We posted up on the corner seat and ate tamales and cupcakes. It was a good night. This bar really had it all - good looking people, solid drinks, good music and of course tamales.

Time to get my brunch on...AZN style.

Kitty corner to Armitage and Damen, Takashi has really utilized every single inch of this renovated home. It was also nice to see Takashi at his actual restaurant manning the tiny kitchen in the back.

Duck fat chicken wings and tofu dashi something. I can eat a bucket of these wings and really unleash the depressed fat kid inside me.

And then this magical bowl of ramen came out and made me realize how grateful I am to know how to use chopsticks. I wanted to be the sliced pork belly in this bowl swimming in the beautiful broth and basking in my own fatty goodness. I'd be fine eating this for the rest of my life...however I would die in a month if I ate this every single day. It would be the best month of my gluttonous life.

Fast forward a couple of days where this nightmare inducing piece of art is basically staring you down at the Empty Bottle.

Checked out the Nones. Joey Potts' fiance Sara Jean plays the shit out of the drums in this band.

I think one of the benefits of having a random connecting door to a restaurant is being able to provide some late night eats to flush out those Malort shots you took and will regret later.

Bite's late menu included some starchy favorites of mine like poutine and mac n' cheese. Adding pickles to poutine may be the best fucking idea ever. Wasn't a huge fan of the mac n' cheese but Ill let that poutine fuck my slutty food hole any day.

Checked out Tony Trimm at the Mid opening up for Daedalus. Tony killed it and had the room dancing to what would otherwise be considered "depressing," "alternative," "shoe gazing," "downtempo," I think you get the point. Oh and the Mid has a mandatory $4 coat check. You best believe I'll be going shirtless next time.

Checked out Dre Day at Double Door after going to another bday party at Blokes & Birds. It was a great evening until I got called "Jeremy Lin" on the street by a random dude and a minor scuffle. Fucking cock sucker just thought I'd be cool with being called a Chinese name - I'M FUCKING KOREAN! People can really suck...not gonna lie though - all of these kinds of problems have come from white people unfortunately.

Painted a wall in Pilsen on what seemed like a nice warm day but ended up being fucking cold as shit. I had to take a taco break at Raymonds to thaw out but discovered the wonder that is cheese inbetween the tortillas (quesadillas) for their tacos. It's equivalent to the stuffed crust. I almost cried a little from the happiness of discovering this.

Unfenced.

Ended the week with Soup Sunday at Trimm's house and this kind of summed up that night and yes, that is a wicked black panther sweater made for a fat child.

All Kinds of Shit.

2012-02-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

Had a meeting with Roy at Estelle's where the open kitchen behind the bar is ever present and all up in your face. I love open kitchens because I know this guy won't teabag my fries or cum in my cup of mayo. Dude was on point and banged out burgers without boogers.

I was honored (like I always am) to have been invited to participate in the monthly live art event - Atomic Sketch Event. This was my disgustingly messy station. All the essentials - paint, brushes, and whiskey.

It's a plethora of drunks who look to buy art at a ridiculously low low price. I was selling banana dick paintings for 5 bucks and small canvasses with swear words on it for 10 dollars.

I ain't kidding son.

So while I was painting like a 12 year old kid who just learned how to swear, Uriel was bangin out awesome pieces like this and doing portraits. This is literally what I was wearing during the event. Patches of quilts on top of other patches of quilts and Steven Tyler jeans.

Tony and I had a Korean mandate that started with this rare treat. Black bean noodles side by side a seafood noodle soup utilizing the same rice noodles. This made my Asian balls tingle with joy but made my Asian butt angry as it has been a while since I've had this.

We took our yellowness to Super H Mart, which is a mega Asian grocery store that has one "American" section which was basically filled with all the things that make Americans fat. Milk, cream, butter, eggs, and sodas...sounds about right.

I kept confusing everyone with my brother here. If you haven't been here yet, then do yourself a favor and give this place a shot. Every single Asian delicacy can be found here including a semi decent food court. All those pot stickers you get at any restaurant can be found here in 67 shapes and fillings. Plus if you have yellow fever, go where the yellows shop.

Speaking of fat Americans, check out the calorie chart at Burger King. They post this for consumers to see and yet we still stuff our faces with its "char-broiled" deliciousness.

Always cool to see random graff writers getting up on things only other graff writers will see. That Sever stick is dope.

I went on a date with myself and treated myself to Leopold which used to be Relax Lounge. I did get lucky cause I gave myself a handjob soon after the date.

I love going to restaurants right when they open. You get to get everything fresh, its quiet, and you don't feel like such a loser if you're the only person there...which was the case when I went.

Started with a beet salad that had all kinds of good shit on it and under it. The goat cheese smear under the salad was a nice creamy salt surprise - take that anyway you like. It was damn good.

In pure fat boy mode, I forgot to take a picture of the cheese course because it was so fucking good. I had gotten extra cheese because I bought the kitchen a six pack of beer which I can appreciate being offered on a menu.

I don't know how or why my phone camera got all Elizabeth Taylor lens fuzzy on me but this picture doesn't do the poutine and veggie pot justice. I'm kind of glad I was by myself because if anybody saw me devour this they would think I was homeless for years eating my first morsel of food. It was damn good...damn damn damn good.

Speaking of damn good. I love Cantillon...I don't love spending $30 for a bottle of beer. I better be able to fuck the bottle after I drink this.

Stopped by the West Loop where old friend Oscar Fotoflow was celebrating his 40th bday party. As the first guest, I got the honor of setting up all the dj equipment.

It was at this cool live in loft where both of the bedrooms were built from scratch. This bedroom can give you that nice secluded/murderer in the woods feeling.

It was a great party. Good music, good people that were all respectful and kind and this amazing home made flan. I almost shit my pants at how good this thing was. I'm not a sweets person but I'd deport fifty immigrants to get another spoonful of this.

Birthday boy doing what birthday boys do. Blowing on things.

You can't get more gangster than this. I didn't get the memo that it was a bring your own giant fucking burrito party. Here's Brook getting it done.

Got up the next morning to help the homie Josh help cook at a house that has airplane runways all over the gated community. Yes, actual planes do fly in and out of this complex.

Check out those crazy birds on the wall.

So the highlight of the dinner was taking some time out to check out the antique car collection the client had.

Ah the good ol' days when gas cost a tip of the fedora hat and a penny a gallon.

Of course if an Asian person owned a car like this back in the day, they would have been killed and stuffed in a rickshaw.

This is Austin Powers car.

This is pretty gangster. This made my vagina kind of wet. Nevermind, it was my leaking anus.

Painted this hungover on an extremely misleadinging cold day. Fuck you Tom Skilling! You lied! Apparently this looks like a quiche or cantaloupe.

Painted this ditty a few days before. This day was nice and balmy at least.

The rest of the guys taking it in and thinking about where I peed while I painted. No one will ever know.

I like to paint.

Rila ate a bunch of gay gemstones before painting this.

This piece will be going to St. Louis for my July show.

Inspired by Pepto Bismol.

Somewhere amidst this, a superbowl party was attended along with Rodan and shots of tequila somewhere. Regardless, I'm glad to be home...for now. Work is getting ridiculous. A lot of double shifts these days. Taking it all in y'all.

Where Do I Begin?

2012-01-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

I appreciate dreads and all but this is just fucking gross. The smell was even worse. I'll never look at cauliflower the same again.

Cta bus tracker on the actual stops downtown. Sweet, now we're only 8 years behind every other country.

What do two old friends do when they get bored? They paint and complain about young people. Fellow gout sufferer Erie and I bonded with fumes and stories of gout pain.

The Norse Bar hosted a preview party for the Brew Ho Ho that went smashingly well considering the snow bukakke the city got this night.

Uh, yes please.

I didnt know whether to be scared or excited by this label but I drank the hell out of this son!

Danny and Jeanelle held an awesome drinking/eating party and poured out some heavy hitters that made the rest of the cold night very manageable.

Remember what hip hop shows were like? Yeah, that's why I left early.

The graffiti nerd in me comes out and geeks out over writers that I always admired. Chip 7 was one of many dudes that killed shit with a super unique style.

Here is my copy of the 3 Floyd's beer dinner I did with Lincoln at work. It was an all carnivore meal which any cook can appreciate. It was a pretty epic meal that included a quart or two of barrel aged Dark Lord gelato.

Um yeah, beer was drunk and so were the participants.

Ever wonder what a $18 beer tastes like? Strong as hell and deceivingly smooth. Two of these may turn into some awkward cousin kissing.

Employee party.

Back to work.

Requests on napkins like this make me glad I don't dj anymore. Look at fucking piece of shit list of songs. "Her newest song"? If you dont know the name of the song, you don't deserve to hear it.

Fucking stupid.

Dang. This was my view for the Brew Ho Ho. As you can see, a few people came out for it. I hate baking and I don't think I want to see any kind of dough for a long time.

I'd rather draw. http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150538794444394.392620.503804393&type=3 - for the full recap in photos.

The calm before the storm.

Despite my better judgment, I stopped by the CHAOS home brewing club's annual chili stout night. I was surrounded by beer fans all day. Needless to say, I was a little burnt out by this time.

Literally.

I can't believe January isn't over yet. I had a great time throwing the Brew Ho Ho and doing the 3 Floyd's dinner in one week. I would never recommend booking yourself back to back like that ever. Too many people to thank - All the kick ass brewers, bakers, Roy, and all the good people that make beer fun!

Spring Time In January Will Only Lead To More Snowfall

2012-01-09T17:50:00.000-08:00

Started the week with my first wall piece for 2012. Since this is supposed to be our last year in existence, why not go out with a fruity blue pebble bang? By the way, it is freakishly warm for January. This can only mean one thing - a fucking massive snowvalance in February like last year.

Cyfn hooked it up with his chill spot up in the Avondale hood of the city. Keith likes to squeeze in the Egyptian lover dance before finishing his piece.

Took a little stroll looking for some grub around Addison and Cicero when I came across this epic sign. This makes me want to salsa bachata a little harder. Also, am I the only one who thinks these are terrible DJ names? And is there any relation from DJ Tsunami to DJ Hurricane?

Checked out the space for the Brew Ho Ho and got a little excited. Only way to find out where this is, is to send an email to RSVP@brewhoho.com

If you ever want to feel like a baller and pay for rides like a baller, give Uber a whirl. It's pretty fucking pricey, but there are some days you just want to feel pampered on your way to the laundromat or local crackhouse. I'm not gonna lie, that shit was a pretty comfortable ride. This service should be used sparingly...to get laid or looking to get laid.

Rolled through the homie Ryan's place to check out his pad and try some beers. We all gave mixed reviews on the sour brown from 3 Floyd's. You can't compare this first attempt to sours such as Cantillon or Russian River, but I think it can hold its own.

Ryan wasn't having it so he went to go play some black people music. IRONY!!! Ryan also brews under the moniker Second Story Brewing and brews some illy shit son.

Still feeling festive from listening to crunk being played by a white boy that brews beer, the gang and I stopped by Yusho.

Sleek and vintage interior with what felt like 5 ft tall stools. I'm 6'1" and my feet were dangling in the air during dinner.

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

It's another yakitori style restaurant with craft cocktails. It seems like yakitori is quickly becoming the new tapas in Chicago. As this trio of wings prove, you're going to have to order a lot of food to get full especially if you a fattie.

Or go with a group and order the entire late night menu to try the variety. This twice fried chicken was pretty damn tasty. I would eat this sauce off a living testicle. That shit was fucking good.

The leek stick was as good as it can get considering it was the only vegetarian option on the late night menu. That and soft serve ice cream.

This pork belly though...words can't express how good this was. I was ready to rummage through my poo to get another taste of this. Tender grilled pork belly topped with kimchi with a sweet sauce. One taste of this would make any vegan want to eat meat again.

The bathroom housed this larger than normal toilet roll for drying hands. All I could think about was how large a person would have to be in order for this to look like a normal size roll of doo doo paper.

Breakfast at Feast downtown. Nothing noteworthy about the place really...just thought this plate either looked cool or like a plate full of leftover garbage.

Then it was off to setting up one of my oldest friend's surprise party. Nick was very gracious to let us use Cobra Lounge for the surprise party. I was cooking in the kitchen making Sang's favorite food groups - meat and fried.

Met up with Lincoln over at 3 Floyd's and Marina at Glunz to go over the menu for the carnivorous beer dinner at Whole Foods next week. I made a little snack consisting of a boiled/broiled pork belly with reduced tarragon cider butter sauce, a standard charcuterie plate and a tri tip roast with shaved brussel sprouts cooked in bacon fat. Like I said, a snack.

I'm grateful for good friends as I got to hang out and feed a lot of them at Sang's party. Gotta give a shout out to Intel, Nick, Greek Nick, and Maker for helping me set up the surprise. Don't forget to wish Sang a happy bday at his official party here.

Also wanted to do a quick plug for long time friend Melody who is trying to get some pledges to fund her film project here. Help a sista out!

I Guess The World's Supposed to End Soon.

2012-01-02T16:12:00.000-08:00

Started the week hanging with some homies for some dinner and scotch. Oh, and Hannibal Buress swung by and watched the bulls game with us. He went to college with Tony Trimm and killed some time before a show. Pretty awesome talking to someone that wrote for 30 Rock and SNL. He must know what Tina Fey's hair smells like - I imagine and hope it smells like a gyro sandwich.

While dinner was being prepared, this happened.

That's okay because fresh pasta happened as well and it was well worth the almost 4 hour wait for dinner.

Goose Island came out with a gluten free beer named Sorbet.

And then changed the name to Queen - OA. Tasty fucking beer, gluten free or not. A nice mellow sour with grapefruit notes and a smooth finish. The sorbet board didn't even last 24 hours before I changed it a metal anus with a goose head sticking out.

Fucking hailing hitler with his chode sticking out. Not a good look 63rd street center. You get what you pay for and this shit design looks about a $1.49 worth.

New year's eve with no plans is awesome because you can do whatever you want without being relegated to a bunch of bullshit that always happens only on "NYE." So with no plans and a thirst for randomness, I stopped by the Marriot hotel bar downtown to check out the gay cyclone in the middle of the lobby. I've also used this Marriot's bathroom over 20 times over the years. It's my secret poo spot downtown.

After paying 12 dollars for a Templeton Rye on the rocks, escaped for something a little less ridiculous and relatable.

Nothing spectacular, but they do brew their own beer and if you've ever wanted to date a white person, this IS the place to go.

Dinner time.

Why not treat yo' self sometimes? This may be my new favorite place. Classic French menu, awesome clean decor and a killer drink menu and staff.

Uh, yeah.

FUCK!!! The food was damn good. The pureed potatoes was like eating God's ejaculate. The onion soup fondue was solid, blackened brussel sprouts, and even the simple bib salad tasted complex and delicious. I want to come back here and eat a trough of everything they have.

High on food and dranks, stopped by Beauty Bar for the pre party where nails and hair were being did. It was chill and kinda cool to see a bunch of skin tags on the ceiling.

This is more my speed.

The Chipp Inn off of a side street makes for a great getaway from anything pretentious or hipsterish. It's a tiny awesome bar with cold ass beer, folding chairs and a pool table that makes Asians penises look black. I'm home.

Regardless, I still managed to suck at pool.

Checked out Small Bar on Fullerton where 12 house DJ's were to play for 6 hours. So do the math...six hours of house music should roughly pan out to about 15 songs.

Dear Santa, buy me a phone with a flash. This is where I start to lose memory.

We ended up at Big Star for some reason.

I'm going to assume that I ate food here. Happy New Year everyone!

It was good to see the Abrahim and Larry. They are irreplaceable in my book. I couldn't have asked for a better partner to hang out with for NYE than Dio. And thank all y'all for reading and making me want to actually keep this blog up!

Deck The Halls...Fa-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra

2011-12-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

Speaking of Asians, the third installment of the Brew Ha Hey Ho will be happening on 1/21. You have to RSVP for the location. It's real easy.

Finally got to hang out with the Doodle Day crew over at New Wave Cafe in Logan Square. I whipped out this little ditty and got free chocolate cr0issants son! This happens every week and everyone is invited to participate. You better step your joke game up because some of these guys are ruthless, but in a nice way?

Cool people come back home and realize why they left in the first place. Linda has always been supportive of anything creative and just so freaking nice and laid back. It's a shame when we lose people like this but have so many Michigan douchebags stay. I also believe that her and her friends were the first people to wear cool glasses before cool glasses were cool. I wanted to take more photos of the bar, but the lesbians in the back were already giving my brother and I the stink eye cause they wanted to defile Linda. They were in desperate need of a Sybian.

Djed at Swig with Pickel. I wish this was the dj booth instead of the pisser. This bathroom also makes me think I should break out the heroine or crack pipe.

Went by Shoe's Pub over in Lincoln Park Xmas eve to meet up with the Xmarx gang. Here they are in all their glorious holiday drinking mode.

What kind of fucking anchor hooks did they use to hang this shit? Thats some next level shit. Fuck your hand screened print poster of a dancing hipster robot, hang a motorbike instead pussy.

This is definitely a hidden gem in an otherwise yuppy douchehole of a neighborhood. Chicago oriented and a no frills/bullshit environment.

It may be the Japanese rocker bartender that make the bar what it is. Karen here swore like a pirate, called us stupid, and talked about Asian traditions all in one conversation. You can't pay for service like this. She also ordered pizza for us. So a Chinese, Japanese, and Korean walk into a bar...

Gave the nephew his Christmas present and immediately was enthralled with the magic of free shit. This is why being a baby is the shit. This is the only time in your life where being pantless, laying on a kitchen floor playing with a toy is normal. Can you imagine catching an adult doing this? Just so wrong.

Christmas Eve felt like any other day to me so I started doing some work to fill the void that is merriment and other holiday bullshit. Am I the only person that felt like Christmas was just kinda blah this year?

Stopped by the homie Joe Tallarico's house for his 30th birthday where I would make pot stickers for caucasians. Joe is way more AZN/Korean that I am made more evident by this toy collection. I get the suspicion that if there was world destruction imminent, Joe would only save these toys and his records over food and clothing. This is what Asian porn looks like. Awkward and full of costumes and of course BUKKAAKKKKEEEE!!!!!

The homie Jesse planned an age old Jewish tradition of a Chinese Christmas dinner. This dude was making noodles from scratch, I just wish those annoying bubble tea pictures framed this ancient tradition in action.

Chinatown was poppin son! It was like Jerusalem Skokie up in this bitch. Goldbergs, Silversteins, and Cohens all over the place and some Yang's, Lee's, and Lo's mixed in.

Arrived a little early so I walked around and came across what I dubbed as a "ching chong" candy shop.

The sweaty fat kid in me came out in full force amidst all of this awesome gummy candy. Overwhelmed with joy, I just went for it and started shoving candy in a bag drooling and calming down my boner at the same time.

This was along the perimeter of the candy store. I don't give a fuck what y'all say, this shit right here is the best beer snack hands down. This makes pretzels and chips look like little bitches.

We all met up at Lao Beijing, a Tony Hu joint that is basically an identical twin to what made him famous Lao Sze Chuan. I think he has like sixteen restaurants all starting with the word "Lao," meaning $$$.

So there are fifteen of us in a small room on the second floor where all of the beer and wine is stored. We were greeted warmly with classic styrofoam plates.

It was quite the motley crew of awesome company, some involved with the food industry and some just celebrating chinukkah.

To avoid confusion and chaos, Tarin had the bright idea of writing the order on the table. Only to find out that we can only order by numbers. This is like just one of ten things that was awesomely wrong with dinner.

The food was outstanding though. Everything we had was tasty, surprisingly light and fucking riceless. The rice didn't come until the meal was 2/3 of the way over. We didn't get water until the end of the meal, we were using towels from the bathroom for napkins, passed around a bag for throwing away the plates, got drink orders wrong, two female guests getting propositioned by a 15 year old Chinese boy, but I wouldn't have wanted this dinner to go any other way. It had all the elements of any Christmas dinner complete with hilarious family members and delicious food.

Wanting that awkward warm fuzzy Christmas feeling to last forever, Pickel and I went on a little all city crawl from Chinatown to Longman and Eagle, to Five Star, and ending our night at Nick's Uptown.

This place is fucking huge! Felt like I was in a rec center in a park. Just a giant home for yuppies and assholes to do what yuppies and assholes do. However $2 any beers is always going to be a winner in my book.

One bad thing about drinking = making terrible decisions like buying cold pizza from a random stranger and then placing said pizza on top of a germ filled bar.

Christmas was awesome this year. It's always a good time to see people come back into town all jolly and shit. Looking forward to 2012 already and ready to get everything on.

Thanks for reading.

Camel Backing The Wagon.

2011-12-18T18:21:00.001-08:00

Nothing like ending a work day with seeing a drunk Santa Claus handing out gifts to even drunker patrons at a bar. I can't complain though cause I got a wicked Hoegaarden shirt. I also pulled out a pretty gnarly thorn out of my thumb this night...how'd it get in there? Only Santa, the donkey, Mexican and I will know.

I was bestowed the honor of cooking for Tooch and Steff's 2 yr. anniversary dinner. Romance has hit the fan with a remote control on the table and Tooch's version of a tuxedo. Well at least there was a candle?

It was a French inspired 4 course menu consisting of some heavy proteins including beautifully seared duck breasts. These tits don't come cheap though.

Those quack boobs didn't go through nearly as much as this vanilla parsnip puree that got roasted, poached in butter and then pureed with whole milk.

So, I kind of put the gout on hiatus once Tooch whipped out some heaters including this years BCS from Goose Island.

This sour beer made me remember how good beer can be. Tart, not overly sweet, and just well balanced. Knowing Jolly Pumpkin beers, The rest of this 4 or 6 pack probably all tasted different.

Continuing the sour journey, this beer was pretty tasty. It made my foot tingle with anticipation of pain to come.

Definitely not worth risking my gout over. Disappointing all around.

I don't understand some breweries that come out with series of beers all meant to be aged over years and years. I wish they can brew beer good enough to drink from the beginning. The Bruery is brewing beer to be released every year in tune to the song "12 Days of Christmas." I'm not waiting 12 fucking years to try each verse from the song. Case and point, this beer was pretty good for a Christmas style ale, but beer enthusiasts will all chime in and say "it'll be better in a year or two." Fuck that, get me six shots of whiskey so I can get fucked up now. I just hope that the "5 Golden Rings" won't be brewed with any kind of urine.

This brewery makes going up North to Wisconsin worth it. Always a solid choice from the very drinkable Spotted Cow to this Cranbic, its always a pretty solid choice.

This was a rare treat - The Dark Apparition from Jackie O in a smuggled growler. You can smell the fat sweat from the beer nerd that was able to obtain this. Almost as if we still lived in the Prohibition Era. Dark, Roasty, Smokey - delicious. I don't think Jackie O has brewed anything bad. Pretty rare to always come out with heavy hitters that are equally delicious and rare.

It's been a while alcohol. I miss how you make me feel - like an idiot.

It also makes me eat things I wouldn't normally eat like this dessert creation over at Longman and Eagle. I forgot what this was supposed to mimic but the bacon ice cream on top was fucking delicious. Smokey, salty, rich...my shit definitely looked weird the next morning.

No pictures from Saturday as I did absolutely nothing in fear of my foot exploding and nursing a hangover. It's been a while since booze and I got along and the hangover made me realize why. Sunday was time for the Holiday Art Bazaar thing over at Simones in Pilsen.

A last minute art sale with creative types hocking small wares and artsy gifts. It was a mellow time and a chance to catch up with some old friends.

Joey Potts making Oscar Fotoflow feel uncomfortable. Joey had the crotch of his jeans cut out and kept doing hug handshakes. It was really awkward.

These are some rude fucking treats. Nathan West had a lot of cool shit on hand complete with a prop 100lb. type writer on display. Gotta hand it to him though because he biffed with type writer in tow and his groin took all of the impact. This is why cups were invented.

Gotta thank the homie Andrea for helping me out with the anni dinner. Congrats to Tooch and Steff. Thanks for the onslaught of beers that'll inevitably make my foot the size of a baby beluga, but its all worth it.

Short Post, Not Because I'm Asian.

2011-12-12T18:34:00.000-08:00

The post is short because I didn't have time to take a lot of pictures during work and my phone does this annoying thing where the shutter takes a long time to open so it makes me look like an idiot standing there with my phone pointed at something.

I worked a mini shift over at Avec for shits and giggles. The homie Jesse is a veteran in the restaurant world and kills it on the line here. This magical entry makes vegetarians wish they ate meat...in which case a massive bowel movement would follow soon after.

These are caricatures of the staff and judging by the illustration of the eyes, they're all Asian except for the carefully drawn white devil eyes.

Make that shit tight!

RIP Soundwave and yes that is a Campbell's "soup in hand" right next to the speaker.

Went upstairs after prep was done to check out the action and ingredient run for these fools. The size of the kitchen is the size of my left testicle - TIGHT. In a space that should only have one person, three people handle all the orders of the night. I felt bad for the cook who's first night on the line was this night - she was a hot fucking mess. Her face looked like she was ready to die, fuck, puke,and shit all at once. It was magical.

Jesse was in the middle slangin them fancy flatbread/pizza thangs and in control and feeding me on the side like the stray yellow dog that I am.

I will say the one thing good about fuck ups is that you get to eat them.

Worked a 12 hour day at the Whole where I had taken another attempt at baking. It wasn't too bad except the cookies looked discs of shit because of all the stuff I put in it to make them "different." I don't know why baking is so hard for me, but I do know that I fucking hate it. Anywho, the homie Josh called for help cooking at a private gig in Deerfield for a good sum of cheddar. Went to an Eastern European deli called "SHTRAM" which looks like Shitram in Wheeling.

It was awesome. Just all kinds of weird Euro shit from candies to animal organs without the shitty Techno music that they love for some reason. I love this shady alley dining room they created for diners who want to feel like they're eating in a sex slave rec room.

This was the only picture taken during the party because I didn't want to look like the thief taking pictures of things that I was gonna steal. The house was fucking huge, the kind of huge with probably 10 bathrooms. I was taking dumps in what was seriously a closet bathroom that was nicer than my whole apartment.

For how nice and ritzy everything was, I thought this was pretty retarded looking for some reason.

Another Sunday, another group of dudes watching millionaires play football and complaining.

WORD!

I Think I'm Getting Soft. Need To Start Drinking.

2011-12-05T14:35:00.000-08:00

The nephew is starting to get a personality. This is the "I'm going to hide food in my mouth and keep it there and refuse to spit it out" game.

Got to help screen print some art work with the homie Colin Palombi for the 10 x 10 project coming up. First step is molesting the design with oil and then playing the congas on top of it.

Bake ink onto screen with light and some kind of emulsion process.

Wash screen.

And something like this should emerge out of washing out the screen.

Squeegy that shit son. I would show you the finished product, but I'd rather you just show up to the show and encourage you to visit the link instead you lazy bastards.

Spudnik Press got it going on complete with blaring shitty techno music from what sounds like an over coked "producer" upstairs.

Is there anything better than working at a grocery store on Thanksgiving Eve? Yes, hitting yourself with a spiked bat over and over again.

So in spirit of the holidays, here is a piece to express how I feel about the holiday season.

Nothing happier than a pig ready to be cooked and served with beer.

Finally got to eat out and check out some place new and of interest.

The interior was painted by Solo. Been a fan of his work for years growing up in Chicago and have a deep rooted respect for his work and aesthetics. He also loves his negative space.

Started with the individual grill sticks Union is known for and specializes in. We went in at a good time when it wasn't crowded with yuppies in striped shirts. The chef and staff were in good spirits and recommending stuff for the duration of the meal.

The Devon roll was the shit. Named after the North side neighborhood known for Indian restaurants, this roll had a hint of curry, and featured tempura potatoes all up in it.

Forgot what this was, but it was equally impressive in taste and ingenuity using thinly shaved cucumber as the nori. We had a few more rolls and dessert which all in all was quite good. I would definitely go back on a pay day.

How do you wash this tee shirt?

Went to Chesterton, IN for a little home brewing event that I put on in a gated community complete with a password to get through the gates. I always wonder what people do for fun in these kind of communities and how many drugs or weirdo sex parties happen.

Best feature I've ever seen in a kitchen so far. A suction slide that you can sweep into! This made sweeping the floor awesome. More home and professional kitchens need this.

Prep.

Here is some of the trash I swept into the suction thing.

Had to try it fresh, just so I can tell what the difference will be after aging it. Fucking $30 a bottle! Its like the Cristal of beer, except I doubt you'll be hearing any rappers rapping about a stout blend in "da club" anytime soon.

Take Me To St. Goutis. Last Gout Reference, I Swear

2011-11-20T21:43:00.000-08:00

Started the fun with a Trappist beer dinner at work a day after cooking Costa Rican food. What a fucking tease for me to have to taste test all of these beauts and then spit them out immediately. I get the full flavor, but my beer goggles are non existent so everyone looked very very normal and that made me depressed.

So the solution to the above is to skip town and head down to St. Louis where Bud lights, Blondes, and weird racist bike gangs rule the streets.

Old friend and painting peer Ruben Aguirre had a mini preview show thing at Aisle 1 Gallery. This was my view from the bathroom after taking what could have been the longest piss I have ever taken in my grown adult life.

It's an awesome space complete with 80 ceiling lights and vintagey tiled ceiling. Both Bryan and Jenn definitely do their work by keeping this place looking pristine and gallery - esque. I also did my laundry here which rocked.

Wasting no time, we left to get some grub and came across this collage right off of Cherokee St done by a collective of stencil artists in the St. Louis area.

That boombox is the truth. I can't even begin to imagine how many paper shavings he must have all over the ground in his studio.

Bryan took us to Las Vallesana where Ruben would feel more at home. Because there were bars over the windows.

The pickle cup came out to reveal that you can indeed pickle potatoes along side its usual counterparts. I mean you can pickle pigs feet, eggs, ham, chicken feet, etc...why not potatoes? I have no idea why I was so fascinated with this. I couldn't stop thinking about how much more awesome my potato salad would be with these in the mix. This made my world turn upside down and will now expect pickled starch for every meal.

Do not order the standard meat quesadilla and request it to be vegetarian. You have to order the vegetarian quesadilla instead. It took me 10 minutes to order and I had to explain what vegetables were to the waitress. Nonetheless, the food was actually really good. All the veggies were spiced and cooked well and the proportion was substantial for only $4.50. The Christmas tortilla chips are optional.

Before Nelly.

After Nelly.

Wasting no time at all, Bryan and Jenn handled business and started to hang the work up for the preview show which featured Bryan Walsh's work, Ruben's crap, and Jason Spencer's art.

Bryan doing what he does best. Nothing.

This was one of my favorite pieces from the show. Made me think of my pink eraser at home.

Here is some of Ruben's work. I had the privilege of naming some of the titles. I think I called this pair "I hate driving with tall Koreans that make me look short in front of white St. Louis people."

This pair was titled "man from outer space with proper green card take job away, me no rikey."

We did the cool artist guy thing and left right before doors opened. We decided to hit a St. Louis fave, Pho Grand. Complete with a purgatory waiting room upstairs with a bar but no alcohol or any rhyme or reason for the room's existence. It was a strange little room that made us look and feel like hostages.

I was distracted by the enormous nipples on the wall. What made it worse was that the wall color matched my pasty, yellowy skin tone. And my nipples do on occasion puff disturbingly enough. Oh the food was really good by the way. A little heavy on the oil/grease factor but flavors and proper veg cookery was on point.

Cherokee Indians were known to be part time Nazi advocates.

On our way to Shady Jack's the next morning to paint with the homie Phers ATT. This giant vaginal portal can be seen from every part of the city. You can take an elevator up the the middle and become the clitoris.

St. Louis has a ton of abandoned factories, buildings, and warehouses that just looks fun as hell to do crack or kill people in...kinda like all of Detroit.

Oh boy. The glory that is Shady Jacks. A biker bar complete with an alley for you to drive through, drink beer in, paint in, be racist in, and generally be obnoxiously loud in.

Phers is a regular here but only comes on gay chap strap night. Which is every night apparently.

Told you.

America! FUCK YEAH!

Ruben got his piece out of the way with the quickness since he had fifty other walls to paint. He also killed that pigeon for calling his piece "graffiti."

Phers dreading the 15 more hours it would take to finish his piece.

I got done fairly early. Gotta love the massive protrusions on walls to make your letters look extra dumb.

V side.

So during this illustrious day, I got called "chinese guy," and "jap dude." The best part was that it never occured to them to say hey DUDE, or MAN, or YO like they were to everyone else painting. Nope, I was the chinese jap dude. I was expecting them to call me the N word at any minute. But its okay cause one of them said "no offense." I never knew the clan were so polite.

Ruben started on his main mural across the street from the gallery. The peanut gallery watching him paint was a lively group of neighborhood folk, artists, and people that had nothing better to do than watch paint dry.

Luckily there was something else for me to do. Talk about adding insult to death. If I was the spirit of the bird, I'd be fucking pissed to see a PBR tall boy jammed up my hole. This bird is one thick rimmed glasses away from being a hipster.

I also got high the night before and painted the gallery van while Ruben painted.

Green card or not, Mexicans do love working on lawns. Check out the full time lapse here.

Swoon spotting.

Nothing will ever compare to Astro fat caps for flare tags.

Getting high is the new drunk for me I guess.

Fuck BP. Amoco for life. Remember when this logo meant a full tank of gas was maybe $10?

Ended the trip with an all you can eat vegan/vegetarian buffet at the Black Bear Cafe.

I don't understand how some of these places stay in business putting out the kind of food they do. I really really wanted to like the food but couldn't get past little things like over salting, cooking food to death, and ice cold fucking butter that tears my bread apart. CORE the fucking pineapple. It takes like an extra ten seconds.
I was full though so who cares right?

Here is the king of beers greeting us as we left town. Ruben and I kept joking that they carbonate the Clysdales urine to make the beer and that would still taste better than the shit they keep putting out.

Slow Times At Goutmont High.

2011-11-14T16:16:00.000-08:00

My foot is taking its sweet ass motherfucking time healing. Thank goodness pot is readily available and always around and apparently calorie free. Just cause my foot hurts doesn't mean I'm staying in. I'm giving my foot the middle finger and getting shit done and taking a lot of shits because all the pills I'm taking give me the fun runs.

Happy birthday to me. Nothing like doing a beer dinner on your birthday, having to taste and spit out awesome beer. This lineup is noting to scoff at as the 120 minute IPA comes in at almost a whopping 15% ABV. Cooked a hefty 5 course meal and then popped open a Darklord beer from 3 Floyds in celebration.

Here's Chris from Brutally Honest Brewing showing us what not to do with good beer. I was ready to grab a straw and start sucking it off the table. There's a beer nerd out there in his mom's basement shedding a tear at the thought of wasting a "rare" beer. Rare, not because it's impossible to get but rare because people place wayyyyyyyyyy too much value on it.

Waking up on a Saturday ready to work is as exciting as stabbing your face with a sharpened garden tool. However, when a cool opportunity like cooking in a Museum exhibit comes up, it kind of makes it worth it. In this case the Museum of Science and Industry had a little dinner with Kevin (who is the resident for a month), and five smart ass teens. When I say smart ass, I mean like for real smart, not LOL smart.

The Smart House exhibit designed by Germans is totally green, sustainable, and shits on your chest with recycled feces.

If you ever wanted to feel retarded, hang out with these teens. All of them get excited about science, are polite, super smart and go to Neurobiology camp in the summer at Stanford...no lie.
You lost me at dissecting rat brains and keeping them alive for scientific purpose.

Feeling insecure and unproductive cause of some teenagers, I started to paint and tried to make myself feel better by crying out loud.

Repos delving into his softer side and color matching his snuggie at home.

Keith was blowing his piece all day.

This cake is so street it hurts. Shout out to Gangi for the graffiti wall bday cake son! This is when keeping it real goes wrong.

Checked out Nathan West's contribution to an art show/fundraiser for the LGBT organization in relation to anatomy. This was one my favorites from the show.

Asian man eye envy. This would be the least intimidating laser eye beam to come out to destroy your enemy.

So the night was to benefit some lesbian/gay/trans/bi thing. A lot of med students, doctors, and weird pre meds wishing they were artists.

NOW ITS A PARTY! I don't know what LGBT peeps do in the privacy of their own home but I was informed that the popcorn was not for eating.

He must have put these socks on ready to just stunt the hell out of them - success.

A little light on photos and content because I've been staying home cause of the G-O-U-T. The medication and a shit load of pot smoking keeps me at bay, otherwise I may have murdered someone by now.

Plus, this kid is hilarious.

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun.

2011-10-31T12:01:00.001-07:00

Hot damn! Has it been two weeks already? The fucking gout has gotten me semi clean but constantly craving potato chips. I'm currently up to 6 big sized bag of chips per week. If I can't have booze or meat, I need to clog my arteries somehow with tasty, over salted deep fried potatoes. These treats shall keep me at my ideal chunky body build.

I would like to start the week with an awesomely printed shirt every week. This one courtesy of Joey Potts for the group Nones is pretty fucking great.

Any art show can only be enhanced with the beauty that is free beer. And if that beer happens to be an excellent IPA, how can one resist? By having a massive gout flare.

The space was in an old vintage style store front all with original moldings and antique tiles. It was the perfect space to hang a Justin Bieber inspired piece.

Speak of the devil! This beaut was done by Sam Alcarez. I have never seen Justin look so soulless yet so sexy at the same time.

Only problem was that we had to jerry rig spot lights. My phone sucks at taking cool pictures but the homie Tommie does not suck at taking pictures and he just happened to take a shit load of pics for me.

The spewing blue dragon.

Uriel Correa. His work fucking ruled this space. Real intricate and colorful.

I don't want to know how long this took, I just want it in my house hanging over my bed.

Looks like baby got put in the corner.

Despite having the gout, I still checked out Telegraph - a new addition to the already bustling corner that is Diversey and Milwaukee ave.

A new restaurant that focuses on wine and wine pairings complete with the male cast of Sex and The City. As I teased, I realized how much of a date place this is.

My date being Tony, I was ready to hurl. Sitting at the end of the community table alone didn't help the situation. I think most of the people at the restaurants thought we were gay Korean twins.

The foie gras option was pretty good. It was used as more of a spread to toast the bread rather than leaving it as the tasty inhumane chunk of liver that we are used to having it served.

The pasta dish was fucking amazing. It's hard to cook pasta perfectly during service and even harder to have it appreciated. Kudos the Italian grandma, Mexican cook, or recently graduated know it all culinary student that was in charge of pasta. It was damn tasty.

One good thing about not drinking is waking up without a shit hangover. I draw a lot more constantly thinking about beer, whiskey, bourbon, wine, vodka, gin, tequila, and zima.

I love shopping at Restaurant Depot. Its a playground full of anything and everything food related, like an IKEA for the kitchen. You see a bunch of random shit you don't need but end up buying because you think you'll use it in the future, but it'll end up in the drawer next to that cherry pitter you never used.

There's also a shit load of ham. This made my gout foot just tingle in anger, but made my penis hard.

Speaking of erections, I did the annual Thanksgiving board over at Goose Island Clybourn. Complete with a murderous goose ready to get its turkey on.

I have no idea why a bunch of grapes or a tomato apple would be part of a fall cornucopia of food.

From one pumpkin bringing bounty to another being used for decorative purposes and rotting away slowly. Unless it chalked or spray painted.

Game day for Brew Hey Hey. Here is Spiteful Brewing's equipment, ready to spew out tasty libations and make ugly people attractive.

Getting into the spirit, Tommy who took amazing photos during the event, just finished eating out a girl on her period. Different strokes for different folks.

Corazon brewery came equipped with makeup artist to make them look less girly.

It doesn't look crowded, but at least a good 200 people ended showing up and getting they drank on.

Beer celebrity and advocate for craft beer Greg Koch was in the house ready to test out his metabolism with locally brewed beer and snacks.

I can't tell who's in costume and who isn't. All I know is that I peed a shit ton. All water and no beer will do that to you I guess.

I know this was supposed to be a costume but he could easily pass for douche bag hipster hanging out at Debonair on a Monday night.

He - Man has lost some weight during his unemployment. I'm glad he's still able to pose with a smile.

Pretty much sums up the night. After a long day of drinking excellent craft beers, you just kind of want a PBR to end your night.

This is also the winner of the costume contest. When asked exactly what it is, he replied "sexy zombie Abe Lincoln." With a pair of new Adidas. Can't front, this mothafucka has nice legs.

You can see the complete set of awesome photos here.

Nothing tops an awesome beer event like having to cook a 5 course brunch the next day for Stone Brewery at work. It was cool to see Greg Koch mingling, drinking, and eating your food. Life is good for now...

Is That Gout Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

2011-10-17T14:48:00.000-07:00

This is day 4 of my flare up and as you can see, the hair growth on my foot hasn't stopped at all, thank goodness that rogaine finally kicked in. I should have a full furry foot by winter's end. For anybody that has ever had a gout flare up last more than 2 days will attest to how fucking painful that shit is. Just saying "the gout" is disgusting enough. I may have over done it in Denver with the booze and meats.

Making and eating food like this probably never helps with the purine levels in my body. How can you say no to a good Belgium style pot of mussels though? Gout is God's true curse to humans.

Also painting on my feet for about 4 hours and walking in shitty chucks can never help either.

I must have taken acid right before I painted this. This somehow says what it says.

Out of all the old schoolers in Chicago that is still active and painting, Labrat has definitely stood out with his dedication to keep with the art and make sure he stays current. So many old school writers here get stuck in their ways and think that they don't have to change but true writers/artists like Labrat keep that momentum going and its damn refreshing that he can still school new writers with the best of them. He also has one of the most epic toy collections ever...these two things have to be related somehow.

Here's Cyfn showing us that you can accomplish anything no matter how tight your pants are.

Repos got lazy and just looked at his shirt for his fill in.

I'm an avid rider and supporter of the CTA and have been since a youth and I have seen my share of shit go down on both the train and bus routes. Out of the almost 25 years of riding the CTA, nothing has bothered me more than the "just came out of the closet" guy. I'm sure Sanjeet here from Naperburg had it hard growing up coming from a strict family, yadda yadda yadda. Now that he's in the "big city," his main priority is to let everyone know he's gay. I get it...in fact its pretty fucking obvious, so just relax and stop trying to be friends with every single white female on the bus. WE FUCKING GET IT.

I have no idea what possessed me to make Greek Moussaka, but I did and it was a pain in the ass. A delicious pain in the ass, but pain in the ass nonetheless. Pain in the ass, pain in the ass, pain in the ass...yes I can say it one more time.

Checked out Portishead at the Aragon this week and holy shit was it worth the wait. I went with my sexy gout boot and sweated to the what is one of my favorite top ten groups of all time.

Only thing that sucked was the $3.00 cup of fucking tap water. I feel like management sat around and joked about whether or not they would be able to do this and sure enough...fucking assholes. As if the 7 dollar BUD options weren't bad enough but charging 3 dollars for a basic necessity like water is just evil. It's probably so they can pay for their fucking Roman vomitorium style bathrooms. Fucking stupid.

Nonetheless, the show was amazing and its awesome and weird to see Beth Gibbons so happy and energetic considering how depressing most of her songs are. I can finally cross them off my bucket list...Elton John is the only person left on my list...fingers crossed for a tour.

A lot of out of towners in this past weekend and what better way to greet them with my sexy gout boot? This beaut made my walking experience this past week bearable. Although the pain was still prevalent however the next picture would prove to be quite the effective remedy.

Plus the word "medical" is in the title so how can it be bad? My only concern is how identical the container looked to a semen and urine sample cup.

Graffiti tour day.

MSK never ceases to amaze me at how high they set the standard with their productions and skill level. It's also scary to see how many letters and logos were familiar to me from just straight marketing and commercials.

Sucks to see a legend of style capped by these two poles for a billboard ad. I can't speak for anybody else, but Syse along with the other Feds like East (see previous post) were inspirations for me and I copied the shit out of them.

This was truly a gem to see. Haven't seen an Empo-wer piece in a while. Such a solid dude and piece.

Always loved seeing Shred pieces as well. Styles like this can cross decades and its relieving to see that the ability to painting pieces really never leave your system.

They stuck Cove near anything that resembled a fence so he can feel at home.

Fucking Ruben killllllllllled this wall. My shit 3gs phone does this wall no justice. Its about time he painted the outside considering how much time he spends inside.

Omens...dude just got sooooo good sooooo fast.

So speaking of drunk Mexicans, Pilsen had its annual open studio walk thing...perfect for out of towners to see how many a lot of crappy art.

The art walk consisted of homes, shops, halls, cafes, alley's, elotes carts...basically anything with a wall with yet another set of photo prints was considered to be a gallery.

Although some of the spots were really cool and vintagey.

I would like to live here so I can see that portrait of my aunt everyday.

This room is one step away from being a retro 50's style diner.

My favorite pieces from the weekend. Fucking amazing lines and color blends. Look at the creepy lady on the left...thats some El paranormal activity type shit son.

Went well the hell out of the way off the main strip to visit the homie Rahmaan who has had a studio in Hector Duarte's space for years.

He doesn't have to look at porn, he can just paint it. Needless to say, I'm pretty fucking jealous of dudes skills.

I have no idea why I thought this was hilarious.

This is how all art walks should end, with a trip to the Mexican candy shop.

Um, translator please?

I was a bit overwhelmed with all of the weird looking vegetable candies and guacamole chips and settled for what was either a corn on the cob or a yellow grenade. It looks gross but...it kind of was.

I think Chicago may have worn these Texans out. They did have to walk more than a city block which is dubbed as a "Texas Mile" in San Antonio.

I have another out of town friend coming in soon with an art opening at 2620 W. Washington this Friday 10/21 so we'll see what I get into next. I also havent drank or eaten meat in like a week straight which has to be some kind of record for me. My gout flare is better but only time will tell. No worries because no matter how much less I drink or eat carnivorously, I'll still be an asshole.

Also have to send a shout out to Celisa for being an equally awesome tour guide when she wasn't busy yapping about her boyfriend or texting him constantly or bleeding. BOOOOOOOYAHHHHHHH!!!

Thanks for reading. Ill leave you with a random act of baby.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

Have a good week everybody.

Bros, No Hoes, Beer, Daggering, Painting.

2011-10-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

I finally got the fuck out of dodge and took a vacation from everything to a city where all I would end up doing is painting, cooking, eating, and drinking...just like home and not getting paid. I picked Denver so I can finally meet and paint with some of the best graff writers in the game I've grown up admiring and biting. Nothing's changed, I just poop a lot more now.

This is the first sign I see flying into Denver. Correct me if I'm wrong but I feel like Denver has gotten one tornado in the last 15 years and those Mexicans never left.

After a few exchanges of racist texts and general confusion on pick up location, the homie East picked me up from the airport with his goon Rapes from Cincinatti. Totally ready to bro out and sketch, I needed a beer to get this vacation started on the good foot.

Before anyone freaks out the "Rapes" name, he does not condone rape of any kind nor does he support any actions of rape. He has this name for personal reasons none of which involved rape. Now here he is raping a book with his rape-ish hands. His hands are surprisingly gentle.

I should mention that East is a Chicago graffiti legend who has been writing on shit since I was born. Here is a self portrait from the 80's. Shit's real son!

It hurts to paint over dope shit like this Taste piece here. The shelf life of a freshly painted wall is a week max in the graffiti world because it's a very manic, impatient, sadistic genre of art. Its an unspoken rule that all writers understand and accept. We live through photos and other forms of documentation. With that said, it's time to buff and paint.

Dope Kema piece. Hope he got a picture.

Per usual, Rapes finished first and daggered anything and everything he could thrust his pelvis on.

I never get to paint large in Chicago so I decided to do the biggest piece I could before heading back home.

I also wanted to paint large so that who ever has to buff this piece will have to paint over every single nook and cranny.

For a married 40 year old father, East got down and finished second after Rapes. Dude still got it as evident in this burner. He also had to pick up his kid from school so I'm sure that pressure sort of helped. He also may have gotten some inspiration for his color scheme by how much I shat during the first day I was there.

Scribe from Kansas City was in town as well ready to get his paint on. I've been seeing his painting for years and have always been blown away by his work. Thumbing through his sketch book just solidified that point even more.

I'd still eat the shit out of this rabbit.

I took a break from painting and walked over to Phil's right near the wall. The sign says it all - must be 70 and up to enter.

What makes this better is that the sign was all pixelated and bent up. They just don't give a fuck and I can totally appreciate this.

I fit right in with the locals. They probably thought I was leftover Chinese trash from the old gold rush days. Conversation ranged from beer to beer and being drunk during the day.

I really needed to get my "bar" exam out of the way and since Denver is home to Coors, I thought I'd pay homage and make sure I was able to distinguish whether or not this bottle was cold.

After only spending $5.25 for two beers and chips and salsa, went back to the wall where the dudes finally got done. Little hands kind of freak me out...especially on drunken vintage fat cats.

Emit just pasted a giant sticker decal on the wall.

Denver was also home to the Great American Beer Festival this past weekend which meant a bunch of over knowledged beer nerds that live in their mom's basement would be around sniffing beer. Not to be outdone, a few Chicago beer buddies flew in for the fest and we all decided to visit a few breweries while in town. We also got an upgrade on our rental because Freddie was willing to fuck a fat chick. Taking one for the team = priceless.

New Belgium Brewery. Our mouth is about to get pummeled with beer.

Big shout out to Harry for setting up the VIP tour which gave us access to try almost every single beer New Belgium has to offer including all of the Lips of Faith series. This is BEFORE the tour starts.

Oh, and free food.

I won't bore you with all the details of the brewery which was fascinating but I will say that this brewery has expanded and expanded. The amount of beer they produce is mind blowing and never thought the operation was this large. We had the Bear Republic beer (another very respectable brewery) dudes with us in the tour group and even they were in awe of this operation.

The lab where white people make sure they make beer minorities won't like. Haha I keed, I keed. They're infusing heroine.

Big bike theme and the decor reflects it all over the brewery.

The magic of beer happening.

There's also a twisty slide which I think is better for a fire because now you'll have fun escaping a possible brush with death.

It really doesn't get any fresher than this. Right off the fucking line! This is a new one that they haven't even released into the public yet.

700 bottles a minute. This factory would make Laverne and Shirley's vagina explode.

Here's Freddie cashing in on the free upgrade we got. Man, Wisconsin people look weird in Denver.

I would be hot as a female beer ranger. Real Talk.

As if drinking almost a case of beer at New Belgium wasn't enough, we Southwest to Oskar Blues brewery in what looks like a hostage warehouse from the outside.

But inside...it still looks like a hostage warehouse.

It looked like they rented a bunch of people and furniture from a thrift store pretending to have a good time.

They did have an awesome flight that would put anybody on their ass upon finishing. They also had a food buffet for $8 that fucking sucked. You would think for all the time they put into their beer, a little seasoning on a BBQ buffet would be in order. I felt like a grandparent eating the food. The kitchen motto should be "sodium free since '83."

Next up was Avery Brewery located in what looked and felt like a strip mall sort of tucked away in the back.

A smaller brewery with a decent kick to the beer.

Got wood?

I don't remember what I drank at this point nor did i care. The long day mixed with the altitude mixed with travel just put me on my ass.

This is after a full day of drinking. My liver must have looked like rat shit after this day.

In case I felt homesick, there are Whole Foods Markets all over Denver and this massive one in Boulder that had one of the best meat departments I've ever seen in my life. My own sausage stick got hard looking at the variety.

Did I mention that it looked like this every night I was there? I can see why people are happy here.

So after puking and cooking dinner, I passed out fast knowing full well that I had a day of painting and cooking ahead of me.

Emit supporting gay rights with his excessive use of the rainbow.

Here's East ready to battle everyone for no reason. He always wins...in his head.

Emit, Rapes, Vogey

Scribe, East

I love painting large. It may not look big in this photo but I was on a step ladder the whole time and apparently in the mood for some candy corn looking at this color scheme.

Taste murdered his section of the wall.

After cooking dinner and chillin, I felt like hitting up a place where I wasn't surrounded by couples, married folk, and MMA fighting on TV. East suggested the ol' Bull and Bush.

They brew their own beer with this awesome guide to what you'll be tasting, smelling, and eventually puking back up.

Judging by the giant bottle of Sriacha, I'm going to assume they do a killer bloody mary.

They also have one ounce pours which always helps the ol' pocket book as well as taste buds. One of these glasses came home with me. Can you guess which one?

So day three of painting but scaled back with Taste, Rapes, and myself.

I feel like this bboy's expression should be "MEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SEEEE???."

So people have been telling me to try the green chile in Denver claiming it to be a staple and I'm not one to shy away from what the locals tell me.

The chile is basically a condiment and dredged over everything. Surprisingly, I shit before I ate this and didn't poop for a few hours after eating this.

Taste with another burner.

Here's my psychadelic, hungover, sunned out, unproportioned mess of a piece. I was a fucking wreck by the end of this. I had no idea what I was doing or thinking.

Looks like a box of crayons melted over a furnace and then someone diarrheaed all over the melted crayons and then ate it and pooped it back out.

How fucking scary is that taco? The taco is so crazy that he is saying hello to himself. And yes that is yet another Rapes piece under the loco taco. He would end up doing 5 burners while he was out here. Needless to say, he had a lot of tips on carpel tunnel and tendinitis. Most of the tips involved some form of jerking off or daggering.

After a much needed nap, I woke up to meet college friend Sue, her hubby, and niece over at the famed Cherry Cricket to have a "Cricket Burger." This place was famous to begin with but with the magic of Man vs. Food, this place expanded and is crowded on the regular. The burger was okay, nothing special and/or picture worthy. This makes me realize that the host of Man vs. Food is just a fat dood that likes to eat but knows nothing about food...like most TV food personalities. Lesson learned - fat people like all food.

The highlight of the evening was visiting One Up. A bar filled with original 80's and 90's arcade games!!! All games were a quarter each! It's like I've died and went to Asian heaven!

They also had a wall lined with pinball games and a full fucking bar. Nothing better than playing Q Bert and The Simpsons drunk.

Only thing I didn't really like were these giant jenga things that would make the loudest, most startling fucking noise once it toppled over. Look at this little shit douche. No one looks tough playing Jenga, go get a fucking haircut dick.

It's a mission of mine to try Pho in any city I visit. Pho 79 is Este's spot for this Vietnamese staple bowl of Honda heaven.

I was not let down. The broth was lighter than I was used to, but still flavorful with good cuts of beef, flavorful onions and plentiful proper accoutrements. I'm working my way up to having pho in Vietnam one day where I will eat it everyday for every meal and get Syphillis from a local donkey.

A bowl of soup and immediate loading of over 1500 spray cans equated to the runs.

After a decent run, loading/unloading paint, I figured why not squeeze out one more piece while doing my laundry?

I had to end this spraycation on a good note and the prismacolor barf piece I did wasn't a good way to end things. I tried a simpler piece with a little more direction and precision. I was happy with it...time for some beer.

Went to the Capitol Hill area and found this all Belgium bar called the Cheeky Monk complete with dream sparkles on the tap.

Rare to find a Russian River Tempation on draft in Chicago, so this was definitely a treat for me. A fucking rare $8 treat.

Walked along to the Irish Snub where anybody but the Irish were inhabiting the space.

Toned down the beer style and price with a simple Rye Lager.

Streets of London without the cool London part.

Just did a Jameson shot here before getting picked up for my dinner.

WORD.

Checked out the Japanese/Latin fusion stylings of Zenga. A Ricky Sandoval joint located in what reminded me of what happened to the South Loop area in Chicago. Lots of room, industrial style lofts, and a shit load of dog walking going on.

We opted for a few little plates but the most interesting item was the hot and sour soup. Foie Gras dumplings? Yes please...except you could barely taste it because the dumplings were the size of a baby testicle.

A lot of themed bars in Denver.

The Double Daughters bar looked like a Cirque Du Soleil set. Complete with freakishly red tear drop booths and dark spooky lighting. I can dig it.

What I can't dig is a faucet that doesn't work when there is soap all over my fucking hands. How the hell do you work this thing anyways? Does an ax come with this faucet? Did a beaver craft this sink? I felt a little violated seeing this huge log come out the wall.

Ended the night at El Diablo where you guessed it, its a Mexican themed bar. Had a tasty Michelada and called it a night. I was over my limit of just liquid consumption and thought I was going to shit a brown rainbow.

This is the last image of Denver that I have. D bags getting yelled at by a tiny gay trainer inside playing Lil Wayne on speed right next to the breakfast burrito spot Este took me to. Denver, you will be missed.

Gotta give a huge shout out to East for housing two loud mouths, providing paint, driving everywhere, making drinks, painting, and all around being a good dude. Thanks to Emit for daggering me in the face first while I was sitting on the couch relaxing, and showing me around town. Scribe and Rapes, always a good time chilling and painting. The beer crew of Tom, Jeremy, Steve, and Freddie for an epic beer Friday and last but not least Sue for being a trooper and hanging on a weekday and taking advantage of my discount card.

Word.

Wedding Fever Cured

2011-09-19T18:35:00.001-07:00

Second weekend in a row catering a 100+ wedding for me and things got a little heated when I brought cooking work home with me. One thing led to another and I basically lost it for a second and kicked a panel in. I swear I'm not an angry person, just always mad.

I take a ton of pictures of my nephew so that I have black mail material in the future when he becomes too "cool" for his elders. Those pants will haunt him for the rest of his life.

Saw the leaning tower of Niles, IL on our way to get ingredients for the wedding. How fucking random is this? I can't even make fun of it cause its just so weird.

Wedding day where my crack team of cooks are being ever so professional smoking while cooking over the grill.

I caught the whole bridal party smoking crack before entering the tent.

Feeding 130 people all at once can be a daunting task and that is why it so fucking crucial that you hand pick your team and know how to delegate things just make sure shit is smooth.

Oh and make sure there is plenty of beer around so nerves, insecurity and doubt are taken care of.

KEEP IT MOVING PEOPLE!!

I kept thinking of how creeper I must have looked in all of the pictures taken during this speech. And yes the bride and groom are sitting on the ground.

White people dancing is like staring at a car wreck, you just kind of gawk and it becomes kind of mesmerizing after a while.

Another cool reason to have boobs. Although I do kind of feel bad for that bottle, its suffocating.

So ironic that after working a wedding, I attended a wedding brunch on the following day for the homie Joanne Yum-Gutierrez-Gonzalez-Park-Gomez. It was in an awesome space in the North side in what used to be a bank now turned massage parlor/home/thrift store? The food was awesome and all cooked by one woman so kudos to that work.

Fucking awesome. I wish I had a door like this to my bedroom so I could jerk it in peace.

I need to own a hammock before I die.

The vault is now converted to a happy ending room.

Thank you crack team of drunken asshole cooks. Stephen, Janixa (double fisting beers and hiding a beer in her tits), Paul, Caity, Crista, Andrea, Amanda, Steve, and Patrick.

I'm in a daze from the past two weeks. It was a lot of work, planning, and thinking and door kicking.

See y'all bitches.

Life Moves Pretty Fast. If You Don't Stop and Look Around...

2011-09-12T13:38:00.000-07:00

Ever see a movie on the rooftop of a grocery store before? Yeah, me neither. The joys of working in a goo goo plex of a grocery store is the space and creative use of it. In this case, a drunk rooftop movie night to begin a week is always a good way to start. Im hoping Debbie Does Dallas or Tits and Asses part 15 will soon be in rotation.

One of my oldest and best friends Ibrahem was in town for just a night but didn't get the memo that it was 2011. I think his favorite bands include Nickelback, and Creed.

We met up at the Lockdown near Ukranian Village for mothafuckin half off burger night. I ate all of this shit son! Avocados like the egg is always going to be tasty on any burger. Toppings are getting out of control on burgers these days and I blame Kuma's Corner for this. Just make sure the patty is good first and foremost and everything else will follow. I'm waiting for the day where they just put a whole other burger on top of a burger as a topping.

Knowing people that work in the adult beverage industry can be an awesome and dangerous treat. They always flip for the bill, but you end up drinking till everyone becomes a caucasian blur. The Village Tap in Roscoe Village has this awesome beer garden complete with retractable roof where drinking comes second nature. The inside is as tight as a Korean on pay day but this back is as open as a prostitute on pay day.

Ebony and Ivory represented with gradiant pastel shirts and matching hats for Sketch Thursday. Its how the new interracial gays accessorize these days. The couple that draw with interlocking arms together dress together stay together. Say word.

So my shithead cousin that I haven't seen in like ten years or so came into town with her two friends and took over my apartment, and drank my fancy beer without permission. This is Jeannie demonstrating how the beer I saved for over a year and a beer that you can only find in Boston was drunk. This is why I don't have any Korean friends.

Having family in from out of town was a good excuse to visit the good peoples over at Xmarx Chicago for their inaugural Labor Day Comatoast Brunch. Get ready for Asian photos.

Or rather photos with Asians in them. Jeannie's drunk traveling companions. Mind you that it is quite sunny outside and they are "buzzed."

The very tasty bloody mary's may have had something to do with it.

Here is a comprehensive list of the ingredients used for the five course brunch.

Home made Creme Fraiche, heirloom cherry tomoato, honey, fresh goji berries, candied toasted almonds, fresh chocolate mint.

French sausage, sauteed spinach, Italian butternut squash, candy cap mushrooms. The mushroom water that reconstituted the shrooms had a distinct maple syrup smell/taste. It was kind of crazy.

Proscuitto di Parma, sweet and brilliant melons, grilled figs, I forgot the cheese, smoked balsamic, marigold leaves (tastes like oranges).

Double yolk duck eggs, arugula, zucchini potato pancake, tomato hollandaise, roasted padron pepper. Holy fuck, shit was bomb son. The dessert course was a take on coooooooookie crisps with cold mint milk. If you can get into any of these meals, I would highly recommend it. Definitely an experience. Korean or not.

So fast forward a couple of days, sleeping at work, working crazy hours and then having to shop for a wedding I'm catering...scary thing is that this is only a 1/3 of everything I would need. 150 person reception, I was in charge of everything from booze to food to service to supplies. Learning will ensue.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

Speaking of learning. The nephew is up and running full speed complete with incoherent words and actions.

Game time. The reception was in full swing and service was fast and furious. The team did they thang without a hitch. I just wish the shithead owner of the coffee venue who already charged the bride and groom to rent out the whole cafe for dessert didn't charge and extra 200 to use his shit counter space and fucking oven. I don't ever ever plan on returning to JUPITER OUTPOST on 1139 W. FULTON. Boycott this place, cause they take advantage of people. You make sandwiches dick, get over yourself and don't charge $50 an hour to use counter space.

We made the best of the situation and food was made, sent out and consumed.

Congrats to Brian and Kristy for an awesome reception. Powell brewing came through and did a special Hefeweizen and Milk Stout batch. It was unique and guests all got to work off the calories by going up and down the stairs.

Here's the motley crew comprised of cooks, drunks, and drunk cooks, can you guess which one is which? Here's a hint - they're all of the above. Oh, did I mention that I had work the next day after this 14 hour day? FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After work, joined my brother and his kid to play in the park to try and wear him out. It ended up that the baby wore both of us out and we ended up getting chinese food which just made things worse. Note to self, Welles Park is pretty awesome.

So, I'm on day 8 of work and can't stop till Sunday with another 150 person wedding coming up. I'm also setting up a three man art show for October and here is a preview of a piece that was recently done. Needless to say that I'm pretty fucking tired, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I just like to complain about things like everyone else.

I also painted at the Northcoast fest but didn't really take too many photos or anything noteworthy. I only checked out Little Dragon and got tired of hanging out with 14 year old on drugs and happy. A day off shall come soon, I can feel it.

Busy, but in the mean time...

2011-09-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

Check out some of the blogs I read on the daily:

Gapersblock
We Are SupervisionFormula WerksKid Static
Syffal
LowDive
YippyTrip
DJ Intel
Fecal Face
Juxtapoz
Jizz
Revok
Suph
Galapagos4

A mega post soon to come.

So Many Colors, So Little Time.

2011-08-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

Great Lakes beer dinner at work this past week had me realizing how terrible my handwriting is. My notes looked like something a psychotic murderer and a 2nd grader put together.

It was a hell of a day prepping, cooking, and serving all the food for the 5 course beer dinner, so I treated myself to the richest and heaviest thing I could possibly eat at 1030pm. I present the duck confit poutine. This artery clogging awesome sodium filled dish coated my mouth like a European hooker. It was just the thing I needed before calling it a night.

Finished a little ditty for the homie Julio that ended up not being what he wanted...boooo. It was my fault mostly but there's always time to paint another 7x2' piece right? Right?

Stopped in at the Haymarket Brewpub for a quickie while I waited for Abbey and his girlfriend to head out to Lisle.

I love this place because of the 4 ounce pours that they offer so you can try almost every single beer they brew without getting smashed and blowing out your taste buds. The winner out of this trio was the raspberry wheat. Real subtle, not sweet, and all kinds of floral...I mean, that shit was good son!

Lisle, Illniois represent beyotches!!! The homie Diane extended an invite out to her amazing home for her annual Big Daddy Fest where a shit load of drinking and eating would ensue.

Diane has really good taste and design sensibilities. The house was filled with things you want to touch but you know you shouldn't. I didnt know whether to sit on these or put up a velvet rope around this whole table.

I didn't sit on these because I knew once I sat on them, I would never get up ever again. Seriously, I would just lay, shit, and sleep and not move and watch TV until I slowly died into a yellow goop.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I painted her car a few years ago. You think this sticks out a little in traffic? Answer is yes.

Here's Billy, Timmy, or Jimmy (I forget his name) pointing to the one thing on the car that is remotely comprehensible. The best part about this is one of the guests asked my Nigerian friend Abbey (pronounced Ah-Bay) if he painted this car in Jamaica...can't make this up.

After uncomfortably chuckling and kind of staring in shock, we decided to walk the amazing garden properly equipped with not but one but three hammocks we've seen walking around the massive garden.

We also found a decked out tree house in the neighbor's yard complete with two floors and a live in black dude that creeps the white kids out. Abbey later told me that this is what Nigerian mansions looked like.

Worked up quite an appetite walking and pointing at things and ooohhhing and ahhhhing everything in sight. The menu consisted of a very filling and satisfying fish boil and copious amounts of Bud Light, wine and Johnnie Walker Red.

Outdoor fireplace? What is this, the future???

Outdoor candle chandelier. Smokey the Bear would have shit out an extinguisher if he saw this. It made the garden look really cool.

This sexy bed of perfectly gray coals were heating up an 80 lb. pig to crispy fatty perfection in a "China Box." Complete with triangular, conical engrish letters.

Don't have a flash on my iphone but this beast was fucking succulent beauty. I got dibs on the cheek and basically let it fuck the shit out of my mouth. The rest of this night was spent drinking and drinking and did I mention drinking?

So to be consistent, why not day drink a bunch of different Belgian beers at 1:30pm? I projectile vomitted at this event in a bathroom thank god. And luckily none of the pig or delicious fish boil came back up. For some reason, I felt compelled to buy a shower curtain after this at the neighboring Bed Bath and Beyond.

So after bitching and whining about getting drawn on at Dark Lord Day earlier this year while Steve fell asleep around drunk idiots, he did it again! Instead of painting his exposed skin this time, we all just took turns tea baggin his face. It was all fun and games until he got a raging boner.

I've been to Goose Island so many times this past week. Just finished this board and hope that I don't have to return for a long time. This should hold them over for a little.

This baby is starting to get more and more awesome.

So I was totally shocked and grateful to hear that there are more than five people that read this blog and for that, I am super fucking grateful. Seriously, thank y'all and hope that you don't make it on here because I'll probably make fun of you.

Thanks!

Being Sick in the Summer Fucking Sucks.

2011-08-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

I wish I was the recipient of this card but I think my card would read more like "Hello, you have toilet paper sticking out of your pants." I usually lay toilet paper on the seat if I'm gonna do a number 2 and I ended up with that paper sticking out for almost 30 minutes. I'm really glad there wasn't poop on it.

On my merry way to work when I saw this classic scenario in progress. The guy that no girl wants to date but every girl wants to befriend as a brother type pal. Makes the slightly attractive girl feels secure and makes them laugh and has to hear about the boy friends that he'll never get to be. I must have been in a shit mood when I took this picture! This is why porno exists.

After I shed one gangster tear, I decided to put up some stickers promoting this site. HIT ME UP IF YOU WOULD LIKE A STICKER @ revisecmw@gmail.com. Maybe there will be a prize for anyone that sends me a picture of a sticker up? PERHAPS?

Driven and walked by this place for quite a while and decided to finally just walk in a try a "devil dawg."

The only devilsh thing about these fucking lukewarm (yes lukewarm!) dogs was the diarrhea that almost exploded all over my American Apparel boxer briefs. Bland and overloaded with crap that just all ended up as mush. It wasn't even busy in there which is always a sure tell sign of quality when they have time to prepare for consumers. Booooooooo on them.

To balance that epic hotdog failure, Half Acre released their annual Double Daisy Cutter which used Galaxy hops which to me means nothing but put it in my mouth and let me make poor decisions already.

It was sketch Thursday time at Lokal except Lokal hired this weird washed up polish cover band that sucked so we moved it to the Wormhole over on Milwaukee. An 80's retro type place with a bunch of random 80's movie memorabilia and well placed furniture.

I want this to be my bed frame. Why a coffee shop needs this Delorean to occupy this much space as decor is beyond me...still pretty cool that its on display.

Can you believe this movie debut was over 20 years ago? Yikes. I am now that guy who says shit like "I remember when..." No body likes that guy.

This little fucking douche bag had some nerve poking fun at passerby's in his docker loafers, tight cut off jean shorts and his nautical thrift shirt. This makes me wish killing wasn't illegal. Also makes me wish I was young again.

There is just all kinds of wrong with this. I thought Soul Glow was bad but fucking curly pudding??? Really? Whats next frizz stew? wavey frosting? semen q's? Pudding should only come in chocolate form. Money was spent for this ad to be displayed...no wonder graffiti is still so rampant.

He is climbing things on his own and yelling for no reason...hide everything.

Checked out Brian's work over at the Center at Halsted where I paid a suggested but mandatory donation of $5. Why even front like anything is suggested? the door people make you feel like shit when you suggest not paying. At least the work was good.

Afterwards, went to go check out Mucca Pazza over at Lincoln Hall which used to be 3 penny cinema back in the day. Home of the 3D porno movie. If you ever wanted to feel insecure as a man, check out John Holmes in 3D...his junk looks like a skin canoe about to crash into your face.

Mucca pazza is marching band on crack. There are like 20 members, including annoying old cheerleaders, a full brass band and random instruments everywhere. I think each member gets like 10 dollars every gig.

Don't get me wrong, they were good and entertaining but when you go to a concert by yourself and are surrounded by every single white person in Lincoln Park...its hard to get excited about anything.

I had to wake up early the next day and cook anyways. It was official real BBQ day. Smoked a 5 lb. brisket and a 3.5lb pork shoulder in apple and cherry wood. Good lord they tasted good.

The highlight of the day was playing around with the sous vide machine. Andrew and I sous vide some short rib burgers and whole rainbow trout. Dear Santa, for Christmas this year...

And then the weird booze came out.

I'm going to stick to good ol American shit next time. This made me feel not so good.

Monday Funday. CZR PRZ and I got down over at Kyu Sushi on 939 n. Ashland and painted a little ditty.

Kyu is also my brother's name which made me realize that I've never "tagged" his name ever and after this job hopefully never have to. Not my favorite letters to freak out.

This is also home to one of the best ramen I've had in the city thus far.

Seriously though, if you want a sticker and are willing to put it up somewhere weird and document it, Ill get yah a prize somehow...it could be a stouffers frozen meal, an old print, an old tee shirt I dont want anymore, maybe a ben sherman shirt that doesnt fit anymore...who know? revisecmw@gmail.com

House of Crack Rock

2011-08-07T17:16:00.000-07:00

Enjoyed a day off this week and took full advantage with Lollapalooza, The House on the Rock, and a short but productive stint in Milwaukee...

Went to go celebrate a friend's birthday party where this edible beauty graced the table. It looks like some white dude only got a tan on his cock. Didn't have any of it but I heard it was a little salty.

This is how you know you have good friends, when they make fun of hair growing out of orifices because you're old. Waking up to this made me realize how lucky I truly am to have asshole friends. Thanks Hernando, I promise to shave my balls thinking of you every week.

Did this little P. Diddy whilst I took a puff or six. I thought I was weird sober and drunk...drawing high was a whole new level of WTF.

In the midst of funny smelling tobacco the previous night, I thought it would be brilliant to pickle some veggies for fun. This is what dumb high cooks think about and do thinking its a great idea. Needless to say, it's a rarity to see me smoke.

Best stencil I've seen in a long time.

The homie Jeremy hooked it up letting a few friends paint the Metropolix Coffee booth for Lolla. This would be the quiet before the shit storm of privileged happy vacationing teens that I will ALWAYS be jealous of.

This is modeled after Jeremy's bratwurst fingers. The blue color is to match his balls. The hand sign is what he dubbed as the "man shocker."

Uriel on deck rocking out one side of the booth. Uriel is a classic artist in the sense that nothing is ever good enough or up to par despite how fucking awesome his stuff really is. So this would be the perfect moment to get artwork of his on the cheap before he semi-sort of-maybe-I don't know- acknowledges how good he is.

It was nice to hang low and kick it downtown painting, drinking and shooting the shit with a bunch of immature artists and coffee artisans. Wait did I say artists and artisans in the same sentence?

Rewarded ourselves with some late night Santullo's. That margherita pizza made me almost cry.

And an even better reward for painting. Two staff passes for Friday and Sunday. In and out privileges...thats what she said.

Time to get my Lolla on and drink some damn good Iced Americano. The iced Koreano is just Moutain Dew.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

Oh boy.

Caught a little bit of Crystal Castle's set but they bailed out 15 minutes earlier than they were supposed to. Fucking dicks.

Apparently 90,000 people were in attendance. That's a lot of farts.

Terrible shot of Ratatat. They do a great live show, now if I could just get rid of about 5000 of these people...

Ran for a mad dash to catch some of Girltalk's set which was pretty damn good as well. A little kitschy but fun. Hanging out in this crowd though made me realize how correct Dave Chapelle was about white people and guitar rifts. This crowd went bananas for guitar solos.

Speaking of white people, this dude is definitely making a banana split tonight.

Meh. This "art" piece is just another photo op/tourist trap. It got bastardized.

Time to rock. I took a shit ton of photos and videos of this massively strange and eerie house. Just google this shit and you'll see what up.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

There is animatronic shit everywhere. This house is sectioned off into 3 sections with all kinds of random, freaky shit everywhere. It's like Big Lots, Costco, and every single hoarder you know opening up a museum.

This guy totally has yellow fever.

This is one of the best finds. Look at how small that fucking gun is son!

Baby Wolverine gun and shit son.

I always thought being burned alive or drowning could be the worst way to go but after seeing this shit...

Hardcore.

Matrix yo.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

This is also home to the WORLD'S largest carousel. Fucking random.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

So accurate.

Mexican Ben Franklin.

Orgy masks.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Nightmare inducing images everywhere not to mention how much fucking carpeting surrounded everything. This is a very very small sampling of what this place has to offer not to mention the random hotel resorts around.

Like this airplane shaped room for instance.

We opted for an evening in Milwaukee instead of trying to drive back 4 hours to Chicago. Chilled out and kind of walked around downtown Milwaukee and came across the most disgusting abundance of food in a display case ever. The green peppers started to milk out rancid liquid and everything is just so randomly wrapped and placed all over. This is NOT how to entice people to eat in your establishment. Like looking into a college student's fridge.

Tried to check out DJ Troublemaker at a place called Dick's Pizza and Pleasure. I guess the pleasure is going into a complete white room and feeling like a "dick," no pun intended.

Or have some pizza downstairs in the strangely sterile anime room. This is what happens when like 15 people own a space all with "great ideas" for a place.

Speaking of great ideas, this alcoholic whipped cream is the business. After you get drunk, do some fucking whippets to cap the evening yo!

I officially hate the public market in Milwaukee. It's overrated and fucking stupid expensive, but goddamn it, it's convenient. They wish they were Seattle sooooo fucking bad.

I hope this post of random shit makes up for some of the lighter posts from previous weeks. I'm doing this from work and wasting time so sorry about typo's and general bad grammar.

BOOYAH!

Also check out http://www.syffal.com/lootpack-soundpieces-da-antidote for more of my "musings."

Putting the G in Gout.

2011-08-01T13:21:00.001-07:00

What it must be like to be able to sleep whenever you want and shit your pants at the same time. Its just weird if you do it as an adult...more than once.

You know its been a rough day at work if you end up getting a foot long Subway club to cap your evening. Some people like to get laid at the end of the night, I'd rather stick a bunch of fake shit in my mouth. I would later pay for this the next day as what was in the toilet looked like a snickers abortion.

To award myself with a craptastic week of work, the homie Coldgrums hooked it up with a comp ticket to see the Rockboxx tour. This eclectic mix had Daddy Kev, Nosaj Thing, De La Soul, with DJ Z Trip headlining. I don't get too excited about seeing live shows any more but Nosaj Thing was one act I really wanted to see live and NOT because he's a fellow yellow. He did not disappoint and also looked like a hipster alien on stage.

De La came correct per usual. This is my 15th time seeing them and the 15th time hearing them do the whole "my side is better than your side" shtick. Nonetheless, they killed it with a ton of classics and energetic stage presence.

Woke up the next day with painting on my mind and apparently candy as I sweated and burned my skin to finish this popsicle looking piece. Thanks for the inspiration MIME!

After a craptastic nap and equally craptastic run, I decided to ruin all of the calorie burning by heading to Josh's and Diana's housewarming party near Wicker Park. A three tap keg can only mean one thing...AWESOMENESS! Josh is the head of Powell Brewing, a homebrewer who is as ambitious about drinking, brewing, and sharing beer with the best of them. He had an IPA, porter, and wit on draft all freaking delicious and ready to pour. Did I mention that this is his fucking kitchen???

So I got to try a few beers being shared at the party and came across Freddy Kreuger's son holding what was one of the better beers I got to try this evening.

WHAT THE FUCK? Apparently beer nerds would jerk off to a picture like this. Hipsters' mustaches would instantly curl looking at this closet.

Speaking of things in closets, check out this fucking plateau of calf muscle courtesy of the Toochinator. That is dedication to one muscle. I bet you he still can't dunk a basketball though, but would fucking rule in kickball.

In true drunken fashion, I would eventually make a beer batter and deep fry pickles and anything else I can get my hands on. Those spears did the trick though, and that trick is burning the shit out of my mouth with hot oil.

This cat is basically one step away from deep frying. With fur gone, all we would need to do is gut it, batter it, and fry it.

Holy opossum looking cat aka Chinese fried rice! I can't even imagine how long this breed would last in Asia. The de-furring process takes forever and these bad boys come pre furred!

Yuppie love. May your VW jettas, Birkenstocks, and self entitlement never die.

Almost 24 hours later, I headed back over to Josh's to check out what brew day is all about and kind of document the process. I didn't learn anything. Just ended up oooohhh-ing and ahhhhh-ing over each step of the way and drinking.

Scooping beer poop.

Cooking beer diarrhea.

The lab.

Ended the evening at Tooch and Stephanie's place where pork tenderloins, risotto, apple chutney, and green beans were had. What made this experience even better was Madmen on Netflix on their LCD flat as an Asian girl's chest screen. Still not a huge fan of HD because it makes everything have a soap opera or home video look to it. Bleh, the red head's boobs were still amazingly large in HD though.

This was a great way to end a week and enjoy my day off. I just hope the weather lets up a bit, my balls have been sticking to my legs all fucking month. I may need to get some botox injected so those fuckers stay put.

Get Your Freak On.

2011-07-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

Hung out with the homie Karen G after her triumphant finish of the half Ironman. Thats pretty dedicated and fucking impressive. My exercise consists of chewing gristle on steak and deep throating 711 hot dogs.

What better way to celebrate a physical feat than to drink a beer? This Mikkeller over at Maproom made my scrotum happy. This shit was smooth as Billy Dee. Mikkeller has been brewing some great summer beers so if you see any on tap, I'd definitely recommend it.

Met up with Suzanne for dinner for her birthday over at Frontier (only because Schwa's A/C was busted...FAIL!). This hunter-esque restaurant took over the old Corosh building which was actually built and designed by Corosh himself - a womanizing artist alcoholic who was also an excellent carpenter. My hero.

The outdoor area was always pretty rustic and neat but now it looks like an unfinished house.

I felt a little uneasy sitting in front of a roaring bear's crotch whilst I drank my beer. Sort of TGIF-ish. This was one of those unbearably hot nights last week where the humidity just made everything damp and miserable. The hostess sat us in the ONE FUCKING SPOT that had no air flow, a/c or any sign of relief from the growing crowds that continually came in.

These did help though. A dozen oysters for $10 is always a nice starter. Using the ice to keep them shits cold to rub my arms down even a better idea. Did I mention that our spot had NO FUCKING AC, BREEZE, or air flow whatsoever?

The duck tacos were delicious...the tortillas that they were sitting on not so much.

These green beans bathing in its own juices and a pool of butter were delicious. I highly recommend this.

I ordered the venison cheese steak sandwich that was quite delicious. As you can see by the portion of the fries, I suppose the sandwich is the side dish to the fries.

Work the next day was ummm....productive. I know it looks like a butterfly, or vagina, or a butterfly's vagina, but rest assured its my own vagina with mustard.

I forgot where I saw this, but goddamn! These molds are getting eerily accurate. Except for the pegleg looking balls.

Went to the burbs to cook for Hernando's son's first bday party. The menu was already pre fixed and since all the prep was done, we treated ourselves to a couple of dry aged ribeyes.

Does it get more American than this? Fire, steaks, and semi automatics.

Went on a beer run and saw this restaurant that has American, African, Mexican Fine Dining and "healthy food." I don't think I need to say much more than what the fuck?
Doesn't American = Mexican these days? Chipotle anyone?

Speaking of Mexican, painted in Pilsen again in JP's backyard. I like the size of the wall because it is perfect to do one small piece and just chill. It's fun to just paint for the sake of painting.

Side Boob.

This post is a little light and tame because I did have a lot of work and didn't really go out. The idea of heading over to Wicker Park Fest after attending Pitchfork the weekend before made my pants tighter and my headband more fluorescent. I couldn't bear the thought of being around that many sweaty teens, hipsters, dickwads, cuntbags, douche nozzles, and assholes two weekends in a row. So I just mostly stayed in and watched Weeds. I'm near season 5...shits crazy son!

No Gang Signs, Just Pitchfork.

2011-07-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

So I thought it was fucking hot last week. This past weekend was like walking into a disgusting gonorrheaic mouth. The humidity in Chicago is no joke and until you experience how uncomfortable it can be here, you'll see why people start clamoring for fall/winter...in other words, we are never happy.

These sexy looking donuts were going around work and all I can think of was two girls and a cup for some reason. Either way, an erection was had once this thing was in my mouth.

In my mission to paint every nook and free space at work, this strip was done after hours all with spray paint near the express registers. I just realized after this was done how sad the Chicago flag looks on both ends.

After this 14 hour day of doing my normal shift, cooking for a group, and then painting, I treated myself to the most delicious thing on earth next ranch dressing - the 7/11 chili cheese dog. I love the "fresh off the grill" statement. These awesome dog tubes roll on hot curling irons for hours and they have the nerve to say fresh off the grill. Well, I fell for it so I guess it works.

It's Pitchfork music festival time and in true work fashion, we pit foods against each other. The apparently already victorious raw bacon strip vs. the cool jazzy kale.

This is what I would dub as graffiti puke.

After a shitty long work week, it was a time for merriment and remorse as a comrade decided to go to another store in the company. She decided to celebrate at Goose Island Clybourn where after a lot of consideration, I decided to go with the duck reuben for dinner. It was gamey. It was rich. It was kind of perfect. It's not for the weak though. If you go for this, don't think about Daffy Duck and start giggling with food in your mouth like I did.

Ebony and Ivory. Jeanelle, you will be missed...Cody on the other hand, makes me want to puke in a kids face and punch an old lady in the stomach when I see his face.

When it was all said and done, the group of us did a pretty good job of representin.

On my way to work the next morning, ran into a literal rainbow coalition. White people hate being white so they try to be as "coloful" as possible.

Thanks to Meghan from work for hooking this up. I would never go to a festival at my age during this kind of heat UNLESS I get a pass like this! And yes I did take this in one of the VIP port a potties so I wouldn't look even more out of place.

Regardless of the pass, I still wanted to watch DJ Shadow with the peoples as the sound from the VIP stage area wasn't all that great. What sucked was that it was too light outside to appreciate the set that was specific to the visuals he had set up for the show.

Untitled from Won kim on Vimeo.

Here is my journey to get to the spot where I was standing.

After drinking a lot of shitty Heinekens, I got hungry and ambitious. I walked over to Publican and had dinner by myself like a loser, but it was a hell of a dinner. Can't ever go wrong with a sodium filled meal ala house made pickles.

Over salted frittes with eggs and pork rilletes or what I dubbed as shredded pork. The eggs were so perfect but was overwhelmed by excessive amount of salt. I like my rilletes to have a nice fat layer and not be so fibrous. Nitpicky sounding but when I pay these prices, I better get what I want dammit. I didn't feel as weird eating by myself and almost liked it more than having to talk to someone. I just ordered, ate, and left. I finished way before the two couples sitting on both sides of me having bullshit conversation and staring at my food.

Enjoyed the most expensive bloody mary on the roof top at DeWitt Hotel. I looked homeless in here but still stuck around to finish mah drink at least.

All fancy and shit, the DJ was too cool to DJ so he just stood while music played.

Seriously though. White people all look alike sometime. Pitchforkers are no exception.

Not to be outdone by the previous day, the weather beat down like Rodney King's arresting officers. It was fucking hot. You couldn't do anything to not sweat. So I just went for it and stood around to check out Odd Future for a few songs and realized that all I could hear was fucking bitch, rape, fucking, mouth fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. So I was well on my way to check out Shabazz Palaces in the shaded blue stage.

Like night and day. Not only was it 15 degrees cooler, the hippy contingent was out hardcore.

Now imagine all of them sweating.

Best graffiti I've seen in a while in a port o potty.

It was a very long work week. I was tired, delirious, and productive. I did get to hear a lot of great music and realized how much I missed good live music. Superchunk, Deerhunter, Toro y Moi, Shabazz Palaces, DJ Shadow, and Baths were some of the notables from Pitchfork that I was super impressed and excited about.

Thanks again to the Meghan H. for the hook up!

See y'all next week.

Hot Like Scrotum Skin.

2011-07-11T18:15:00.000-07:00

Chicago finally got its dick wet with humid ass weather and high ass temperatures. So everyone whining about the cold can suck it. You got what you wanted so fuck off and pay my A/C bills.

Guess who's back? This little dude is up and running. His favorite hobbies include eating and trying to break his uncle's iphone.

On a good note, I got to paint a lot of cherries and get a nice pacman in there. Yes, this is serious work...

Especially when you see shit signs like this. Whoever's boyfriend or girlfriend said that you were good at art and writing FUCKING LIED TO YOU!!! This place obviously outsourced to a 4 year old who just learned how to write to do all of the boards.

Boiler Room had its one year anniversary party where buddy/co-worker Nathan West had an unveiling of his mural in the outdoor area. Couldn't take any pictures because of all the d-bags having fun and eating pizza. A lot of beer was consumed this evening...a lot.

This is an amazing shirt. I wanted to have a picnic on it or play checkers. It made my day.

At one of the houses I cook at has this bathroom right in the kitchen has a ton of mirrors. If you've ever wanted to feel weird and creeped out by your own junk, do this to your bathroom. You've never wanted to see your balls in so many angles.

Stopped by the homie Chef Abe Conlon's spot to do a little sign work and saw some pieces Jarret Spiegal and I did last year for our show. These fuckers are huge.

I think we simultaneously had our periods when we did this one.

Cold as ice.

This is when I love having the friends that I do doing what they do best. This is a shepard's pie that was fucking tasty as hell. I almost smashed the bowl after wards to lick whatever remnants were left behind.

Stopped by David's house where the family was celebrating his daughters baptism. One Asian male named Won pronounced Juan and fifty Latinos actually named Juan.

Brooks showed up to show that stereotype about black people liking fried chicken aren't true...wait a minute...

David also owns a really old painting of mine aptly hung in his bathroom to help you take a dump when looking at it.

Stopped by a friends art opening that was inside an apartment. This is Nick Bach in all of his Asian mutt glory. His art work is pretty fucking intense and very well executed...him on the other hand - the picture says it all.

So much detail work in this and great stuff going on until you look up and see a gay donut. That is some "art school shit."

Had a moment to breathe from working the whole week and got to check out the Logan Square Farmers Market and do an impromptu dinner for some really cool people. I love farmers markets but I gotta tell yah, you want to talk about Whole Paycheck? Quality was great but dang, the prices had my balls tingling with anger and bewilderment. Its like a spidey sense.

The host Andrew whipped out some surprises of his own and shucked a bunch of oysters! These meaty little fuckers had me ready to fuck a mule.

One of the dishes I had a chance to take a picture of. Pan seared perch on top of sauteed rainbow chard, morel beurre blanc sauce, topped off with micro arugula and ribboned sorrel.

I had a great time this day and can't thank Lee and Andrew enough for hosting and Shawn Smith organizing this all. Cooking without pressure in a home kitchen that is better outfitted than most professional restaurants with cool people in the mix was just awesome.

Thanks again to Lee, Andrew, Shawn, Caity, Nathan, Nick, Abe, and you mothafucks for reading!

Getting It In.

2011-07-04T01:51:00.000-07:00

Started off the week with some painting at the cribbo. The best part of this evening was the planning we did for a trip to the House on The Rock which I'm pretty amped about. Oh yeah and some painting was done, cool.

Co-worker buddy Chris had an awesome viewing of the first Ghostbusters in his backyard. Forgot how good Bill Murray really is in this movie, so many good one liners and subtle humor. This night would also be the first time I got bit by a mosquito on my eye lid which basically swelled up and made my chinky eyes even chinkier.

The only thing that can ruin an awesome night like above is having to do inventory after cooking for 10 hours. I've never had such a desire to murder frozen peas and kale in my life until I had to count them. Another thing to note is how disgusting melting vegan cheese looks (I counted all of the vegan/veggie options). I kept thinking how cool it would be if this scan gun took photos like my phone. Someday...

This photo was taken at 1pm in Pilsen. I always knew God hated Mexicans but why make it so obvious?

This photo pretty much sums up my rare day off on Friday. It was an awesome day of painting, chillin, drinkin, and eating. Pretty much what this whole blog is about.

Speaking of which, we had an idea to paint the same wall on the same day right after one another with a time limit of 1.5 hours. Pretty much running a train on this wall. Since black guys always die first in horror movies, we applied this notion to the wall and made him paint first.

Snap. That was quick.

Keith dressed up for the occasion and wore his Sunday best. He may have beat a homeless person to score those sweet khaki skorts.

The black guy getting gone over by a white guy...

And boom goes the dynamite. Keith snapped off as well. At this point, I was 8 tecate's in with almost a pound of meat in my stomach. All I wanted to do was curl up and sleep which meant time to paint.

I have no idea how I pulled this off so to celebrate, I had more meat and about 10 more tecates. Its only 7pm.

I got my shit together the next day after a much needed resting and veg day and saw a motherfucking Delorean! Except Marty Mcfly was a Marty Gonzalez.

Went to a friend of a friends house for a little get together and saw this shower that looked like the underbelly of a pregnant pig. Can you imagine all those streams of water spraying you down??? This makes a baday toilet look like a little squirting bitch.

I've never covered up like this to paint indoors but remembering how I felt the last time and peeing orange, it was time to get busy. I felt and looked like a giant tampon.

Me rikey the colors.

Me rikey rong time. Time to stuff my face.

HOLY FUCKING CHRIST! This little fucker gave me raging food boner in my mouth. Adrian had his annual pig roast and cooked not one but two of these fuckers! Skin was perfectly seasoned and crispy and every single shred of Babe in the city was tender and moist. This was an amazing BBQ.

Go America! After the raping of the pig, it was time for some brisket at Tim and Julio's annual 4th BBQ. I did the rub and sauce for this seven pounder. It was smoked with hickory for almost 6 hours and I gotta tell yah...IT WAS FIRE. Had a nice pink smoke ring, super moist, tender, and had the crispy outside to it. Took six hours to make, gone in less than an hour.

After drinking about half a bottle of Makers' Mark, I figured a beer at a friends house was in order where my creepy ass relatives stared and judged me while I pissed. Eerie anyone?

Looks like swamp water but this concoction housed one of the best pickled green beans I've ever had in my life. The brine made me want to cock punch someone.

Guess who's back! The nephew got fucking huge! This kid is only 14 months old. Looks like Uncle is going to have to start working out to pick this kid up.

The week has been great. Gotta give a big ups shout out to Jp and his mom for hosting the awesome Friday to the intrusive graffiti writers. I always leave well fed on all levels. GO AMERICA!

Aaaaaaaaaaand We're Back.

2011-06-27T17:14:00.001-07:00

What up. So a few things happened while I was out the past three weeks - most important being that my phone died on me taking with it a plethora of photos I had ready for an epic update with general douchery. I also have been w0rking almost non stop with a couple of breathers here and there to help keep my sanity. So here I am grateful for the three people that have asked about my blog graciously updating it for those three fans.

Here we are at Revolution Brewing Co. where fisting is alive and always encouraged. Scuba Steve was in town and was taken to a downtown "lounge" where Texans such as Steve cringed at the thought of more than five kinds of minorities in one room. So I suggested we go to the new white neighborhood of Logan Square where only Mexicans and Caucasians dwell...Texas.

This is what fisting beer taps, out of town Texans, and a few shots of Jameson will do to you. The best part is that they have identical bodies. This two headed Mexican makes me miss Texas...only a little.

Speaking of Mexicans, I forgot about this random drunk photo I took of the tongue tacos over at this spot right by Fullerton and Milwaukee ave. I puked pretty hard in the morning before heading to work and wondered why I tasted tortillas in my mouth. And now I know.

Worked an engagement party for an awesome couple out in Glen Ellyn at the parents crib. I wish I was super rude and dickish and started to take pictures like a creeper because this house was magnificent. Instead, I shuttered down like a foreskinned penis and just cooked everything. This was just the appetizer course...I didn't have it in me to take more pictures of the spread as the day went on because...

My staff and I started to drink and I just kind of forgot to. Most cooks and back of house staff know how disgusting and stupid the conversation can be with no topic uncovered. This was no exception.

The next week would prove to be another grueling day in the kitchen as I did allllll of the prep work to get ready to feed 500 people at the second annual Paella Parade. DJ Intel and I won the previous year for crowd favorite which rocked, but this year would prove to be less successful as Emilio's won and very well deservedly. I made three of these fuckers and ended up having to throw away one pan's worth - did I mention that this event was to benefit a feed the hunger program? IRONY!!!

Went out for drinks with some friends afterwards and this ended up happening. The scary thing is that this is her second time in this pothole off of Damen Ave. I hope I can look this happy when I'm in a random concrete hole.

After doing more prep work for another event, my brother and I went to one of the few decent Korean restaurants left. Do Rae Jang.

Their specialty dish is the famed Naeng Myun which is an ice cold beef broth soup for the summer. It's originated in North Korea which is probably why it looks so gray and dismal, but damn is it fucking good on a hot day. Season it yourself with some vinegar and hot mustard and this will make you want to give Kim Jong Il at least a handy.

I didn't want to bore you with too many beers I've tasted over the summer so far but these hyped, "rare," dark lord beers were well worth the $50 you had to pay to purchase...not the ridiculous $300 these were going for on ebay. It helps to know some beer snob/aficionados.

Time for the big day. The first Brew Ha Ha I organized over at the Chicago Urban Arts Society. Featuring home brew power house Lowdive, Powell brewing, and Brutally Honest. This is the calm before the storm.

Here's my station near the dock area where Matt Heyrocc and I would be pump out over 200 Korean BBQ marinated skirt steak banh mi sandwiches. I don't have any photos of this event because I was running back and forth like a mad man and serving the 150 attendees that attended. It was a great day for Chicago craft beer and you'll most likely see a Brew Hey Hey coming in Fall.

And bonus! There was a photo shoot right outside of dock where this butter face was getting ready for her quinceanera or something.

There is just so many things evil about this photo for some reason but Scuba Steve and Madadam were in it to win it this evening. I remember laughing a lot this evening.

It was the end of an era this past weekend where the homie Karen G called it quits after almost five years slanging drinks every Sunday over at Cleos on Armitage aka Jack and Ginger's. This would be my final bloody mary made by her ever. It was sad until I pooped red the next morning because of it.

Celebrated in style by having sushi over at the new Bucktown sushi spot Sublime.

It was an overall good experience. Pretty good rolls and fresh tasting and accommodating with some of the substitutions that had to be made for some of the rolls. I would definitely come back here over Coast. It's like Coast without the dim lighting, and all of the whities except they didn't have sea urchin...FUCK THAT SHIT!

Feeling soulless for not having painted a wall in over a month, I decided to meet up with some of the homies and finally get to paint on my day off. I was all gravy until this fucking shit face decided to take up two seats with her hulk like face. I stared at her while I carried two bags of paint and this fucking taint amoeba just sat there drinking out of her overpriced Sigg bottle. You ever wonder why people hate Lincoln Park? Why even work out? If you're going to end up taking two seats just call it a day and stuff your Lou Ferrigno face with pizzas so the two seat rule (one per cheek apparently) applies to you...Or maybe you were sitting on a sybian? Either way, you sir are a fucking douche cunt bag.

I would soon get over the issue afterwards and paint happily with Tese, Egor, Thoser, and Exhaust. This makes everything just fade away.

I felt a little rusty, but overall was happy with how many colors I used which is uncharacteristic of me as well.

Feeling a little cheeky, I suggested a few of the orange speckles to complete my section of the wall.

I have a lot of people to thank for helping this month happen - Matt Heyrocc, Crista, Amanda, Caity, Bridget Mitchell, Fanny Cantero, Kyu (my brother), CUAS, Andrew Lautner, Freddie Walker, Suzanne, Nuntida, and the list can go on but I do appreciate all of the effort!

See y'all next week bitches!